when we were together our friends often tease us that we really look like a couple, but i just laugh about it.
i just care for her..so much.
During the Christmas eve, i receive a sms from her saying, "let's go have some dinner tonight."
i said, "ok."
we met at the train station and eat at the place we first met.
we talk and laugh about so many things about us, our past and other things.
after that dinner, i walked her home.
i felt awkward and couldn't say anything.
i wanna tell her something deep inside my heart, but i got scared.
then she said "goodbye..."
i couldn't say anything so i just said, "y-yeah, bye."
when i was on my way to the bus stop,i heard someone calling my name, when i looked back i saw her running to me.
i run towards her and we stopped us we face each other.
i asked her "what is it?"
she catches her breath, grabbed my hand and said, "when our friends tease us, w-what do you feel?" and she have those eyes that's asking for an answer..
i was so nervous, afraid and trembling, so i-i didn't look at her and said, "n-nothing, it was a crappy joke for me. it sure is a stupid joke isn't it? i-i mean we are just friends, a-and we are both girls too...so liking someone w-with same gender is weird, r-right? ", i smiled at her.
she let go of my hand and smiled back at me, "y-yeah..it's a stupid joke. and it is totally weird for girls to like girls. how stupid!! haha!!"
but something off with her smile, that smile actually breaks my heart. but i couldn't do anything.
she waved goodbye as i get on the bus...
"I'VE COMPLETELY SAID SOMETHING STUPID!!!! IM SO STUPID!!! i just wanna tell her what i really feel but i failed."
the next day, i receive sms from my friends saying, "let's go hangout."
it's weird that they sent me the same messages. but come to think of it, she was the only one who didn't message me that morning.
when i arrived at our usual hangout place the next day, she wasn't there.
i asked my friend about it.
but they were shocked.
"i thought she was with you last night. didn't she tell you?"
i asked, "tell what?"
"she's moving away, stupid!"
i was so shocked, that i couldn't even imagine the fact that i might not see her again.
i asked my friend the time of her departure and hurriedly go to the airport. but i was too late.
she already left. i wanna tell her what i really feel inside. but i am too late.
i send her million of messages and tried to call her but, i couldn't reach her.
—
after 3 years, during Christmas eve i was on my way home from a Christmas party.
"so it's been 3 years since she left. i missed her so much."
that's what i said as i passed by at our first meeting place.
i took out money to buy a coffee at a mini store nearby.
i grabbed a hot coffee approached the counter and then i bumped into someone.
"sorry" she said.
i smiled back and said, "it's ok."
she was a bit taller than me, our clothing style is almost the same, her hair was the same haircut i used to have back in highschool, and she order the same coffee i have in my hands.
she politely said, "you go first.."
i shook my head and said, "no..no it's ok, you go firs-"
i stopped when i saw the girl behind her.
she said, "Yuuki??"
i was shocked and couldn't move.
the tall girl with her said, "you know each other Kana?"
she grabbed the tall girl's hand like she was hiding from me.
"y-yeah, she's uhm... she's a friend from my old school."
"o-ok, my name is Keiko..." she reach out her hand saying, "kana's girlfriend."
(girlfriend????)
i grabbed her hand saying, "im yuuki, kana's friend."
keiko invited me to drink coffee with them, kana was against it but keiko insist,
i said "ok", but actually i wanna go home that time, cause i felt like my heart is being crashed into pieces.
we just hangout a bit and felt really awkward, keiko's really nice and put such effort to break the ice between us three.
but i realized that i might be getting in their way, so i decided to give them alibi that i really need to go to a friends house.
they said ok and said goodbye.
i turned my back as we walked on opposite paths.
but i remembered that night, 3 years ago, when i saw kana's running back to me.
i remembered everything, that night, every step that she make just to reach me.
so i turned around again, wishing that kana's right there running back to me.
but as i turn around, i just saw them holding each others hand.
i couldn't tell kana about that christmas eve three years ago...
i couldn't tell her that night,
i lied to her, and i lied to myself, the three words i want tell her,
my eyes was filled with tears as i looked at them, clinging on each other.
those three little words that's been stuck for may years wasn't three anymore.
the three becomes FOUR words that i whispered in the wind, "i still love you..."
as i said those words, i saw kana looked back to me,
does my words reach her heart?
i cried... "it should have been me..."
please come back to me.
