absinthe

rant

hi so i just need to rant rq you don't have to read but feel free to rant in the comments bc 2020 is not the fucking year and people suck :)

so i like anime, (obv), and people always feel the need to comment about everything i do! like i just walk into the fucking living room and all of a sudden the convo goes from "hey whatcha doin" to fucking "oh gonna go watch those fucking chinese cartoons?"

i also happen to be an army, and just a kpop stan in general, i love a lot of groups and artist. but my brother, i stfg, keeps sending me RACIST shit!! i swear everything turns into "asian dudes with rainbow bowl cuts" and "gay asians" "ching chong boys" "backstreet boy wannabes"

i can't take it anymore to the point where he even gets physical by jabbing me in the sides and hitting me until i have welts or bruises. and my parents being the old fashioned karen trump supporters they are stand up for HIM saying i should just ignore him!!!

and when i slap him back for self defense bc he can't take no for a fucking answer, they call me a brute and i'm too violent for a lady. LIKE I WONDER WHY CAPTIN OBVIOUS!

i'm embarrassed and ashamed to be related to my family, so much i will walk into on coming traffic but not before i curb stomp all of them to a fucking pulp.

i know i am getting a little violent i just can't take it anymore, i have so much fucking stress from breathing the same air as them i'm trying to get away but it's hard with this virus. my friend is willing to give me a place to stay away from them for awhile but since schools is starting i really don't want to be a bother or anything.

and i never get to keep my therapists because they either tell my parents everything, or are very expensive.

the last three therapists i had my mom fired because she didn't like how they were telling her how to parent.

i told them that i have trouble with my family and so they recommend parenting courses to my mom and dad and they didn't like that so now i'm not aloud to have a therapist or an outlet for stress and anxiety and just all these bottled up emotions and it hurts so much

we always fight and yell and i can't even breathe comfortably in my room without them busting down the damn door to yell at me

like they will sit and yell at me about the dishes or my grades but turn a blind eye to the fact that i need help. i swear this isn't attention seeking i just need to get this off my chest and knowing that maybe someone out there is reading this lifts a huge weight off my chest, since i can't talk to anybody else

so now i have mommy and daddy issues because my family neglects me in the loving way so i am starved of physical and verbal love 😃✌️TwT

i'm sorry i will delete this but please talk about how you're feeling if you're comfortable i am here to support you with everything you do because you're amazing and deserve the world.

i understand what you can be going through is difficult, i may not understand like you, but i promise i will be there for you! if you just want a i guess motherly figure i will try my absolute hardest to make sure you feel the love you need :) <3

please dm me on insta if you don't feel comfortable sharing publicly ❤️ (nin.tendou33)

love who ever is reading this, i know i don't have a big platform so this won't reach anywhere but if you're reading this i love you very much💕

i will update soon too i just need to calm down a bit :')

(august 27, 2020)