Whispers From The Heart

When I was around eight or so, my momma took me to the annually picnic the town has every year. It's like a chance for everyone to leave their normal lives behind and just enjoy life and the community around there. It's been a tradition since I can remember. It just might be my favorite thing to do. It happens every year halfway through fall. Which I'm kind a glad since that is when the weather is actually super nice.

This certain day was a huge day for me. It was the day that all the kids picked on me because I wanted to be a writer. But no one really thought that I could do it. They just made fun of me because I had dyslexia and I struggled to read and write. I mean from what my momma told me is that a bunch of people had it. But it still sucked to get picked on 24/7 because of it.

I was underneath a tree crying from the other kids picking on me. My mom, who is the sweetest person you will ever meet walked over to me. She sat down right under the tree with me. She asked, "Sweetie, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

She wiped away my tears that had already fallen from my eyes. "All the kids are making fun of me?"

"Why are they making fun of you?"

"Because I told them I am going to be a writer when I grow up. Then they told me that there was no way I could be a writer since of my disease that I have which makes it harder for me to read and write. They are always making fun of me because of it." I'm pretty sure my eyes finally dried up because no more tears were coming out. "But all I want to do with my life is write a novel or two or maybe five."

She embraced me with a hug. "Aww... sweetie. If you want to write than you write. Don't listen to those that say you can't do it. Your dyslexia has nothing to do with it. You can definitely overcome it." She took a deep breath and then said a statement that helped me overcome a lot of things in my life. "Sweetie, let me explain something to you. My mom used to tell me this all the time. The heart knows what it wants and you can't ever stop it. It will tell you everything you need to know."

"But how do I know what it wants?"

"The trick is to be very quiet. Listen closely. And you will hear whispers coming from your heart. All you have to do is to listen. You might not like what you hear but it will have your best intentions always, just like I will. Just remember to listen for the whispers from the heart."

She made me feel so good that day. I didn't even let those mean kids bother me. To be honest after the conversation I had with my mom I never let them bother me ever again.

You see that's what my mom told me while growing up when I was dealing with an issue or didn't know what to do. She would just say, "Listen to the whispers from the heart." And every time, it would always work. I always knew what to do. I may be in my thirties now, but she still has to tell me that one statement and everything will be all better.

But with what I'm going through at the moment I don't think anything could help me get through the pain that I feel. I married the love of my life when I was 22, it was right out of college. Then a year later, our beautiful baby boy, Pierce showed up. Three years after that, I gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl, Rowan. I never thought I could love another human being like I loved these two wonderful children. They are my whole world and I don't want anything to happen to them.

No one would have ever thought that my children- who are eight and five now- and I would be packing to move back to my childhood home. You see I found out about five months ago that my husband died serving overseas. The worst day of my life I thought the two of us were going to grow old together and maybe have one or two more kids within the future, but now that is completely over. I don't know how I'm going to live without him. How am I supposed to raise two kids all by myself?