Never been touched...

Letter to my husband,

Dear husband,

I know there is too much distance between us,and when you will get this letter our distance will be widened.I don't know we were right for each other or not, but we were meant to be together that's why our knot was tied together.

In sacred knot called marriage.

We hardly got time for talking with each other before marriage, though the time between our engagement and marriage was of 6 months.Yes, you did call me once on my birthday but that was 8 in the evening.Why I even expected you to remember that,Haha!

I think that was our biggest mistake as we didn't try to know each other before marriage.I tried I totally tried okay, but couldn't open up myself to a guy.

When I was young my parents didn't like much when I used to talk with other guys so I was hesitant, I used to be with my brother and cousins and in our college there were girls only and I was not that bold girl who can confidently become friends with guys in our colony.

I didn't know how the things go with guys I was oblivious to that till my graduation ,as I was in convent school and then a girls college.So except my professors I had never talk to a guy before.Was that my mistake?

At the age of 21 where I thought I will go to office and try to be independent our marriage was fixed.Remember when you came first time to see me, I was so nervous I have to wash my hands again and again, to get rid of sweaty palms because of anxiety.

When we were sitting alone,you didn't utter a word, I didn't know what to do or say. A guy who is so educated,a software engineer I felt a little low in front of you may be inferiority complex kept my mouth shut.I was not able to look at your face as I was feeling so hesitant and shy.

"Chai acchi hai."I heard those words from your mouth and I grinned like an idiot but in my mind, as it was a first time a guy have praised me and till then Ritu came and called us.I hate my little cousin for that we were about to start!

In 6 months span we didn't talk much,you were busy in your work and Kanpur's shopping street kept me busy for marriage shopping.Slowly I was preparing myself to be yours.

I was never comfortable when people used to touch for that matter even girls leave boys alone.Mother have always taught me to never let anybody touch you and my innocent teenage mind took it seriously,I seriously didn't allow anybody to do that.In school when my friends tried to touch me I used to kindly step back and in college things continued.I don't know what it was?why I was being so away from this?

If only I knew the reason and make you understand!

When in college Nida just kept her hand on my back and I stepped back instantly,she was shocked for once that what happened to me,I couldn't explain as I myself didn't know the reason.

"Tere husband ka kya hoga Tanu,Poor guy will not be able to touch you also."Everybody used to laugh at me for that.And I used to give a shy smile, their laugh still ringing in my ears.

Then atlast the "Day" came in our life. Nervous, its an understatement.I was hell nervous!For whole two days my sister gave me a lecture on wedding night and I thought I will be able to do it but I didn't know the depth of the situation,I didn't know what will happen.

I was looking at the moon rays outside the room window silently observing the night and the room has lit up in candles.

The sound of crickets wasdisturbing the silent night.I wonder who decorated the room so beautifully,with red and white rose petals and it felt like room was drowned into sandalwood smell.I heard the footsteps outside the room and adjusted myself in middle of queen sized bed with my legs bent near my breast and chin resting on it, face was covered with veil.I saw your legs when you entered,but didn't find the courage to look up.You came near and the bed sank with your weight.For few minutes you didn't say anything,I was quiet.Then you took the veil up my eyes I was still looking down,you raised my face and that was the first time I looked at you.

I had seen your picture but you look quite different from it.Fair skin,pointed nose and small eyes with cover of spectacles on it.You were wearing white kurta pyjama and you look muscular and tall against my petite figure.Indeed you were handsome!

I stared in those black orbs, thinking I will be living rest of my life with you.How stupid I was..........