Trigger Warning*
I can't love without fear of you
You're a slippery slope that widens as I run
When people joke about dying my mind shoots to you
You're the worst case scenario
That I can't help but consider
My friends are going on dates with their boyfriends
But I just want to make sure my dude is alive
And he isn't even mine
He doesn't even love me but I worry every day:
What if he takes the plunge?
What if I lose him, the way I almost lost myself?
The way I'm terrified of losing the people I care about,
The way I agonize over when someone jokes about death,
Is offline for a day,
Is absent from school,
Is wearing a long face
What if, what if, what if?
You're always looming above my head
Like a shadow I'm trapped beneath
Instead of the other way around
-I didn't take my life, but you took mine.
