Free Boy

Chapter II: A Party Favour

"Teenagers are impressionable creatures, fragile to the pressure of being and wanting to be noticed. The blame taken by peers for one's personal mistake. Adolescence is painful for everyone. Where the build of bad and good habits carried through the lifetime of the instilled trauma."

Trigger Warning: Sexual Violence, Drug Abuse, Self Injury

. . .

The toll of the school bell brings me back into reality, school is just a big blur on most days. The reality of life lies along the corridors and the escape behind those doors is what most of us dream to cross. Chucking my materials into my bag, I made my way towards that very corridor that I dread, to meet up with Avery. As I leave the classroom behind, a recognized figure steps towards me, hovering over my smaller build that was trying to hurtle pass through it.

"Come on now, slow down. What's the rush for?" his voice echoes in my ear. This was the guy who changed my life, I should be thankful for the freedom he has provided me; the exact freedom he gave to me by taking away my power to come out at my own disposition.

Head hung low, I asked, "What the fuck do you want?". All of the intensity yet my voice remains at a minimal volume. It's a war in my mind. To strive through the torment of Jeremy and his group of friends throughout the junior year or to instigate a fight that I would probably, never in a million year, win on my own.

He halts his next move, evidently taken aback by my tone. The pause breaks over with the voices of Alistair, Demi and Mikaela who were tagging along behind him. "Getting brave now, faggot? Is amnesia kicking in for you?" Jeremy added as they stepped closer. I held myself back with my eyes locked on the floor, telling myself it's not worth it.

"Come on, Jay. You didn't have to fucking call him that. Just pass him the fake ID,". Mikaela has always had my back. I surmised it is because she's obliged to show the best friend of her younger brother the minimum goodwill.

I have never understood why Mikaela would associate herself with them, by that I meant excluding Alistair. You could cut the romantic tension with a knife but nothing has ever come to fruition between those two. Perhaps her personal taste in men she chooses to date does not include high school dunces. Mikaela has always been in my life since Thomason and I met in middle school. She is like an older sister I never had, not that I'd want one.

I'm satisfied with being, technically, the only child in the family. I never had to vie with anyone to please my parents. Pete was never the ideal older brother or any much of an older sibling figure than what Mikaela is to me. He has never been back home much and he has always stayed with his dad in Pennsylvania. Sometimes if I'm lucky he'd give us a ring or two during the holidays and send postcards like a divorced dad on a vacation with his much younger mistress. I don't expect much from a half-brother; I have a love for him, the way you'd have for a friend. 

Mikaela approaches me from behind Jeremy and plucks the ID card from his hand. The others moved along past us, "Hi Xavier, could you pass this to Tommy? Think he needs them to get booze for the party later,". She hands the card over to me.

The guilty countenance became more apparent when I lifted my head up to face her. You can recognize the guilt she radiates. I don't blame her. It's not an onerous choice of who she should stand by during these set of circumstances when her choices are between the group she survived high school with or a stranger that is merely friends with her brother.

"Sure. Thanks, Mikaela,". I force out a weak smile, my head nods. That's the only way I could give her the little comfort of knowing that I understand her. She returned the gesture and made her way to join the others. I beeline to the red room and Avery catches me along the way. It is never easy to ease myself through the panic attacks whenever something like this happens. To say I'm shaken up would be an understatement.