𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 || reddie

no.

(a/n) sorry if this is bad! i have writers block but i need to update :(

𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚

the song bounced off the walls of his brain.

"I wanna be alone." her voice, her angelic voice whispered. "alone with you, does that make sense?"

the lyrics twisted the smallest organs in his body, he was confused. why did that boy make him feel that way? no one makes him feel like that. the boy with the black, curly hair and glasses that made his eyes bigger than his face, made him feel happier than he's felt in ages. can you believe that? i mean, beverly was there. beverly always made him feel better about himself, or just better in general. but he barely even knows this boy, and the butterflies in his stomach have been growing ever since he looked at curly-head's face.

ever since he looked at this 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧'𝙨 face.

"i wanna steel your soul. and hide you in my treasure chest." eddie chuckled at the lyrics. curly-ass big eyes really was a treasure.

eddie was on his way home to school, the sun was low in the sky, just peaking over the mountains in the distance. he had stayed after for a few hours to work on a project with beverly and regina.

eddie smiled at the thought of beverly and regina, it was so obvious. beverly tried her best to hide it, she really did. but it was so, so extremely obvious!

he could see his house in the distance, the late September day shining in the sky.

𝙚𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙚'𝙨 𝙥𝙤𝙫

18763. the numbers glimmered on the tin, crooked mailbox that sat outside my house. i just frowned. i don't wanna go home yet, i just prayed my mother was asleep.

i inched closer and closer, slowing my steps each step i take.

it'd be better if i just don't blink, what if she's standing outside when i open my eyes? what if she yells at me for not coming home earlier?? so, so many questions.

i stood at the front door, entirely still. i didn't pull a breath from my lungs. my legs weren't as shaky as they normally were, they just stood in place along with the rest of my body. i eye the doorknob. i know i have to open it eventually, might as well get it over with.

i grip it with a light force and slightly push on the door with my shoulder.

before pulling my entire body through the door, i poke my head in to let my eyes linger. they wonder to the couch, then to my mother's lounge chair.

she snores through her nose, making weird noises. i scrunch my face but am thankful, nonetheless. the door opens fully, as i carry my body inside. i slip my shoes off at the door and drop my book bag, walking to my kitchen. i knew my mother would wake at even the smallest sound, so i grab an apple from the bowl on the table and make my way out of the dimly lit room.

something catches my eyes before my first foot lands on the staircase. on the counter sits three white and blue tablets, along with a note.

fear courses over my body as i inch closer, and closer to the black counter, i'm soon casting a shadow over the pills. tears tickle my eyes.

'oh my fucking god, am i about to cry right now? they're literally just pills! they're pills. pills. just put them in your fucking mouth and swallow, it's not that hard what the fuck."

i gulp. i really, really don't want to take them. i'm not taking them. they don't even do anything, i've been tested for like, every condition and illness but my mom refuses to believe anything doctors say.

i sniff my nose and flip off the small objects on the counter, along with my mother. i grip my apple tighter and walk up the stairs, tears draining from my eyes.

i smile as i close the door to my room, but it quickly turns to a frown.

'what is wrong with me?? why didn't i just take them? if they don't do anything to help me then they won't do anything to harm me, right? mom is gonna be so mad. what if they do something? what if i have a life-threatening disease that doesn't effect me with the medication? what if when i don't take it i die?'

tears started to form back in my eyes as i brought my hands to my face and held myself for a while.

'just fucking take them.'

my door opens once i grip the handle and turn, my steps being light on the wooden floor. salty drops of water falling from my eyes.

down the stairs.

walk straight.

around the counter.

my shadow casts down onto the tablets once again. tears from my face fall on the counter space next to them. i wiped my eyes and shook my head as i held the blue tablets in my hands.

i felt so heavy. the pills felt so heavy. my eyes were so heavy, everything was heavy. the world felt like it was caving in, deeper, and deeper.

i placed the pills on my tongue, swallowing them.

i fell on the floor, the weight on my shoulders winning the unspoken battle.

i wanted to feel like how i did with that boy.

that 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧.

-

(𝙖/𝙣) 𝙨𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙤 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙩 :/