Irresistibly Unchanging

Insane

Anna's brushes stabbed my eyelids equally, rubbing on material that glow in the dark. She excitedly squeaks as she examines her final product. 

"Go look, then come back! I want to add some rhinestones." I peak a look in the bathroom mirror and immediately feel out of place. My same hazel eyes are staring back at me but the orange, yellow and pink feel a bit strange together with my pale skin and dark hair. I will admit it looks cool. Maybe I'm just too harsh on myself and Anna, but I don't really like makeup on my face at all. She pokes her head in under mine and smiles at my reflection. "God damn, I'm good. You gotta let me do your makeup more often." She shoots me a smile and pulls me back for lashes.

The clock hits 10 and a knock comes on our door. Wes and Zach let themselves in with our broken door, looking fresh and dressed up. I confusingly look over at Anna. 

"YOOO guys, I want you to meet my roommate, Kendall. She's coming with us tonight." Shock washes over me but so does relief. I've been the kind of person in the past to mix friend groups the wrong way and make it awkward for all of us. Looks like that won't be a problem here. 

"Yooo it's Kendall. Yeah we know her from that summer of writing we did." 

"Is THAT what you're wearing?" Wes points down to my jeans and a t-shirt. My cheeks start to heat up.

"What's wrong with it? Casual." Looking over, I examine how the others are dressed. Wes and Zach both are in black jeans and colorful short sleeve shirts. Zach has a chain hanging off his pants that make it look edgier. Anna has bright yellow and orange camo pants on with a chain belt and a cherry red crop top. For the last touch, she put on big black boots and a black purse to match. Okay maybe I'm a little underdressed.

"You literally look like an idiot in a t-shirt and face paint. Nope, this will not do." Wes starts opening my drawers and picking through my clothes. Shirts start flying through the air one by one until I smack his dumb, egg-shaped head. Rubbing the newly formed bump, he pulls out a small black crop top. 

"Okay, at LEAST this. You can keep the jeans but at least wear a cute shirt." Anna says while snatching the shirt out of his hands. I lose myself for a moment and imagine a world where I put on this top with some heels and jewelry and go dance my heart out. Where I lock eyes with a very familiar set, one that's been on my mind a lot recently. We dance, his hands rest on my hips and pushes them closer to his own. A hot breath on the back of my neck and a chest to fall back into. I smirk and grab the shirt from her hand. Grabbing a pair of strappy black heels and changing into tight black jeans, I next throw on some mascara and let my hair down. Maybe this is the night I just let go for a little bit. 

I go to check the time and am faced with a lockscreen of Matt and me picking strawberries only three months ago. It felt like a year ago. 

My heart aches a bit. The boys push each other and annoy Anna as she finishes her last touches on her outfit. I feel almost paralyzed by the realization "what am I doing." Waves of guilt and sadness wash over me, one at a time. I can almost see his disappointment in me and worst of all, sadness in himself and us. The party spirit has left me a bit and even the excitement for that new pair of eyes is gone. I am in a relationship and I shouldn't be looking anywhere else. I should be trying to fix the problems instead of run away from that. Because that's what adults do. They fix problems instead of abandoning them and now that I'm an adult, I can't be playing these stupid games anymore, I have to be there for h-

"Take a rip." I'm interrupted from my spiral to Anna investigating me. "I'm not gonna have fun unless you have fun. Take a rip and let's go before you cry yourself to sleep." I nod. Fair enough.

 I slowly start to intake this feeling of pressure in my lungs. I know the drill. Pull it in, hold it, pull some more air and let it all go. A very nice metaphor for problems now that I think about it. The taste of lemon meringue brings my spirits up a bit and I look at the lockscreen for another moment. Our two smiling faces remind me that while these problems are hard, we've had so many good times. Good times that feel lightyears away but changes nothing about their quality. I nod to myself a bit. We will get there again. We pick up our things and start to make our way down the hallway. Passing by our neighbor, I shoot him a smile and a wave.