Diseased Hearts

Prologue - Family

Dear diary,

My name is Jamie Anderson and I'm 15  I've decided to start writing diary entries, well, it wasn't my idea. You see, my mum thought it would be a good idea to write about my life and note all the positive things that has happened to me. I honestly thought it was a stupid thing to, I mean I said 'what's the point of writing when no one else is going to see it?' But my mum said it would help with my anxiety. I just laughed. But I thought, heck, why not? So let me tell you, me, myself, I don't know whoever's going read this, about myself I guess. 

So like I said my name is Jamie Anderson, I'm 15, my birthday is August 13th. Which is funny considering bad luck follows me where ever I go, but I try to remain hopeful......sometimes.......okay not really that's my sisters job. Anyway, back to me. 

I am currently residing in Florida with my Mum my dad and sister. Pretty average family isn't it? Yeah, but too average in my opinion, nothing really happens that's interesting with us it's just all  mundane everyday life.....I wish that would change. Continuing on.

My mum is Katie Anderson and is 38, she had me and my sister at a young age, she keeps saying we weren't a mistake and that she wanted to start a family as soon as possible, but yeah, I beg to differ. She is originally from England and moved to the states because we had some cousins who lived here, well that was her excuse anyway. I theorise it's to do with her family's toxic relationship, I still don't know what's up about that. But she seems to let it not bother her as she always likes to look on the bright side of things, and try's to influence us to do the same, and look how I've turned out. A nervous wreck whenever I'm in public. 

And my dad....he's.....something you could say. He's Liam Anderson and is 40 years old and married my mum when she moved to Florida. They're both deeply in love but my dad doesn't show it very well, I just know he is. I don't know much about his family, he's never been close to them which is all very well, I have only met his parents at this family reunion I was forced to go to, I met a lot of people that I never have seen before, and his family aren't the nicest bunch so I understand his reasoning of him wanting to drift away from them. It feels like he's slowly doing that to us too, like he's putting walls up and doesn't want to talk to us as much as when we were little kids. Maybe he struggles to communicate with people sometimes, it's not his fault I guess, it's just the way he's been brought up, I try to show him I understand but he thinks I'm just a 'kid' and that I will never understand 'love' and I should stay out of it. And I do just that.

And then theres my sister, Georgia Anderson, she's only 2 years older than me, but still gets treated like a freaking princess, she's 'supposed' to be moving out soon as she will soon be at 'that age'. But honestly, I don't see it happening. She acts like she's around my age maybe even younger, I don't know if it's because of her bubbly and over the top personality or just that she has never been in a relationship before, which is odd, as she's got the looks which I am extremely envious of. I have made a few mental notes though of the way she has been acting towards me, it's just seems very, I don't know how to put it, 'out of character' I guess. I first noticed the change in her attitude about a week ago, I brought up how I am madly in love with the girl from high school. But in all seriousness this girl, Olivia Smith, is the nicest most amazing person on Earth. I have known her since kindergarten, we have only ever been acquaintances with one another and nothing more, until one day at school she asked if she could sit with me at lunch, which I thought was weird, but of course I said yes. She never told me why she decided to start sitting with from then on, but I'm not complaining. I just sat there listening to her talking about her family her stories and whatever else, because to be honest I never really payed attention. I only focused on her beautiful angelic voice. At that very moment I knew my feelings for her were more than just a crush, in my eyes she was an angel sent from heaven to give me hope that maybe i will have a lovely life just the two of us, I can't imagine anyone else I want to spend my future with.

Of course I didn't mention all of that to my family and especially not my sister. When I instantly said her name I watched as my sisters face turned into a frown then it morphed into a sort of smirk. She laughed and said, 'really? You're  in love with that brat? Honestly I knew you were weird I didn't think you were that weird.' Those words hit me like a truck, I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth, each of those words were like knives stabbing me right in the heart. I wasn't offended about her insulting me, but I wasn't going to let her get away with saying anything like that about the love of my life. She then gave me an amused look and said 'I bet she doesn't even feel the same way, I mean, who would.' That then followed after with laughs and snorts, I couldn't take it anymore so I just left. What is her problem?? Every time I am at school or at home, or just even mention her. My sister starts knocking me about with those words, saying I don't deserve her. 

My sister is never like this....ever since then she hardly leaves her room or talk to anyone, I've watched as depression takes its tole on her, I only ever see her when it's time to eat, and I am always greeted with those snarky comments. My parents try not to intervene as they know what she's like and will possibly tear them limb from limb if they say a thing. So they stay out of it which is probably for the best.

I've gone of track a lot and should probably end it here, I've enjoyed writing this, it makes me realise how messed up my family really is and that it's not as normal as it seems on the outside, my family is slowly starting to crack and break apart and I've only just realised till now. The only one that is making me realise that there is still something to keep living for is Olivia. Sure my mom try's to make life worth it for me, she doesn't make me as happy as Olivia, and I don't know what I'd do if someone would just..... take her away from me.

Jamie Anderson