Summer Love |1D|

TWENTY-FIVE: Have A Celebration

July 3rd

    "Princess..." I hear Harry mumble as I wake up. He trails kisses all along my face, jawline, and neck. I giggle sleepily as I start to writhe under his touch. "Happy birthday." he tells me. I open my eyes and look at him. He crawls on top of me and kisses me passionately. I smile into the kiss and after a second he pulls away.

    "Well, good morning to you, too." I tell him. He smiles and rolls off of me.

    "We've made you breakfast. Do you want it in here, or do you want to come down?" he asks me. I smile. I've never had such special treatment on my birthday and the day has only begun. I sit up in his bed and pull the covers off of me.

    "I'll be right down." I answer. He nods and walks out the door, shutting it behind him. I reach for my phone to check for birthday messages. There's a couple from my family and even one from Kyle. I smile as I read over them, then stand and grab my clothes off the top of Harry's dresser.

    I've been staying here with the boys for the last couple of days. I still haven't felt quite ready to go back to my aunt's house yet. I've been doing a lot better emotionally, but every once in a while I get hit with the overwhelming realization that I'm still pregnant with Zayn's child even though we're broken up. I know he's still planning on being there for me through the pregnancy and helping me raise it, but something about the whole situation feels so much different now than it did when we were still together. When we were together, I felt fairly confident that I would be able to do okay at raising a child because I knew I'd be doing it with Zayn. I know I'll still be doing it with Zayn, but it's different now. Now I'm not so confident.

    I've been really considering getting an abortion lately, which has also been pretty emotionally taxing on top of the breakup. I'm just nervous all the time about everything: the pregnancy process, the doctor's appointments, giving birth, raising a child... It all fucking terrifies me and the more time that has passed since Zayn and I broke up, the more I have started to feel like I can't do any of it. I've been so on edge and vacant lately: blankly staring at walls, jumping at anything that's even slightly startling, having a hard time focusing or being around anyone for extended periods of time. Other than Harry, that is.

    Harry has been a massive help to me these last few days. We've been spending practically all of our time together and he's been very sensitive, gentle, and empathetic towards me. He's been encouraging and empowering me to vocalize my feelings to him frequently. I've talked to him a lot about the pregnancy and how scared I am. He's really supportive of anything I choose to do. He told me that he knows I'm scared, but that I'm also one of the strongest people he's ever met and he's certain that I'll be okay if I decide to follow through with the pregnancy. I really couldn't be more thankful for him. He swooped in right at the perfect time.

    I haven't spoken with Zayn much. A couple of nights ago when he watched Harry and me leave at 3 in the morning, he texted me that he missed me, but I didn't end up seeing that text until the following afternoon when I remembered to turn my phone back on. Zayn has come over a couple of times to hang out with the boys or do One Direction related things, so we've interacted briefly. Things are getting much better between us. It's starting to become much less difficult for us to be around each other. As far as I can tell, leaning on the boys has been really helping him. I'm glad he has such amazing friends.

    I think he knows Harry and I are together now, even though no one has explicitly told him. All the other boys know because Harry and I are pretty unapologetically obvious, but we try to dial it way back when Zayn is around. The only person Harry and I have explicitly told is Louis, but Liam and Niall are very much aware as well. I sort of feel bad because when we broke up, I told Zayn I wasn't leaving him to be with Harry. While, indeed, I wasn't leaving him with the intention of being with Harry, the reality is that I left him and shortly after got together with Harry. I know how that must seem to him and it kills me. Sometimes I can tell it upsets Zayn seeing Harry and I interact with each other, even though we are mindful not to act coupley when Zayn is around.