Diary of a Rockstar

Chapter 2

Chapter 2; Everything Happens for a Reason::

They say that everything happens for a reason; but she couldn't figure out what point it served for THIS man to be standing in front of her. She walked along a sidewalk on the campus next to a line of white apartment buildings.  She did this often enough, but never with a rockstar falling in step beside her.  She had her small hands bunched into the wide pocket in the front of her blue hooded-sweatshirt.  His larger, more worn hands were in the pockets of his faded jeans.  He looked over at her.  She stared at her pink and black shoes, scooting along next to him.

"Is school going alright?"  She wanted to laugh.  As if he truly cared how school was going for her.

"Alright, I suppose."  He nodded.  She wondered exactly why he was here to begin with, if all he wanted to do was ask her about school.  She swiped her ash blond hair away from her cheeks.

"Your hand." She stopped and looked at it. 

"What about it?" It was odd having someone besides her family pay that close attention.

"Did you do it yourself?" She had to stifle a gasp in her throat.  She'd forgotten she'd told him so much in the book.

"Perhaps."  He let his head fall into a heavy nod and then looked forward again.  Jade took a deep breath.

"Please don't take offense to this, because none is meant. But why exactly are you here?"  He chuckled.

"You gave me that book for a reason." She drew in a breath like she might answer, but he didn't give her a chance.

"I like to hear what people have to say; but...I guess I've never been truly intrigued by someone until I got that book."  She almost laughed.  Intrigued by a stupid book she had written?

"Because that's what interests someone like you: sitting around reading the idly pointless thoughts of someone like me."  She didn't realize he'd stopped walking until she finished her sentence.  He was roughly four paces behind her.  Two if she took big steps. 

"So, it was all true then?"  She stared at him.  What was that supposed to mean?

"You came all the way to Evansville, Indiana to ask me if what I wrote in that book was true."  It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Yes. And no."  She stared at him.  She'd never truly thought about what he would be like as a real person.  She knew about his demeanor from what she had seen in videos on the internet.  He was peppy, light-hearted even.  He seemed to have a liking for everyone.  But she wasn't in need of a shrink of any kind.  Well, perhaps she was in NEED of one, but she didn't want one.  She didn't want someone trying to force their way into her life without knowing all the facts.  It occured to her then, however, that he, indeed, DID know all the facts.  She'd written them out, plain and clear, in pink, purple, and blue ink for him to read to his heart's content.  Perhaps it had been a mistake.

"Explain." He started walking again, falling into step beside her. 

"I don't want to help you."  She looked up at him.  He blinked a few times.

"I just mean that's not why I came here."  She stared at him incredulously.

"This was so much easy when I was still talking back to that book."

"What do you mean?"

"Everything you wrote in that book, you wrote TO me, right?" She nodded.

"And you wrote those things TO me because you wanted to tell me, right?" Again, she nodded.  He stopped where he was and held his arms out.

"Well, here I am,"  She stopped in her tracks, blinking at him.

"I'm here. So talk to me."  She looked at him, her brow furrowing.  She grew suddenly annoyed at him, standing there in front of her like he was some big-shot that was going to "be there for her no matter what."  Did he not understand that it wasn't that fucking easy?  It took time to build up the confidence to write down those things.  Someone else, someone close to her, could have easily gotten a hold of that book and read all of her secrets.  Had he not looked closely at her face when she slipped the book to him?  It wasn't like she could just fall to the ground and spill her guts to him, front and center, and never think twice about it.  This wasn't some fucking fairy tale.  She blinked a few times.

"That's not why I wrote you the book."  He pulled a confused face.

"I didn't give it to you excepting, or hoping, you'd show up at my doorstep like some hero."  He backed up a bit. 

"I didn't mean for it to come off that way."

"It's just that you wrote those things to ME for a reason.  I believe that.  I don't believe that it was me who got that book for nothing."  She shook her head.  He couldn't help her anymore than anyone else could; but she guessed she could humor him, for the time being anyway.  While he was here...while he was close.

"Aren't you supposed to be working on an album anyway?"  He smirked then, apparently realizing he'd skated past the hard part of the conversation.

"Everyone can use a vacation now and then. I found time."  Of course he'd found time.  He had control of his own career.  Sure, he couldn't just walk out of a place in the middle of a recording session, but he could go somewhere if others thought it would help him.  What good was THIS doing?

"Found time to come talk to me."

"Why are you acting like I shouldn't have wanted to do this? As if I shouldn't have wanted to be here."  She looked up at the night sky.

"I can't see how anyone would."  And it was true.  She didn't see any sort of "special-ness" in herself.  She was quite average...mediocre. 

"Well, I don't find anything wrong with you."

"Just because you haven't run away screaming after spending 20 minutes with me doesn't mean there isn't something wrong." He shook his head.

"Boy, you're not going to make this easy at all, are you?" She looked at him.

"Make what easy?"

"I just want to be your friend." She nodded, her eyes falling to her shoes.

"But why?"

"Do you have to ask questions? Can't you just accept that someone WANTS to be around you?"  She sighed.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because everyone goes away in the end.".

"Jad-...you-UGH!" She rolled her eyes.

"Listen to me, okay?" It sounded weird to be demanding something of someone who was 11 years her senior.  He watched her, waiting...expecting.

"I told you all about my feelings. Everything that was going on INSIDE my head.  I never told you all the things going on around me to make me feel the way I do. So, you think you know me so well because you've seen inside my head.  But you know nothing about me."  He watched her for a few moments.

"Do you have class early?" She was taken aback.

"My first class is at 8:00." He nodded.

"Will you be able to have any sort of lunch?"

"I have a break at noon."

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

"We'll see."

"Night."

"Night." She watched him walk away.  She shook her head, walking toward the steps of her apartment.  She wasn't going to let herself care that it had to be HIM that suddenly cared so much.  True, she hadn't expected it and she didn't want to let someone in; but she knew someone was going to have come along sooner or later, wanting to break her shell.  Did it have to be him?  She was going to have to force herself not to let her guard down.  That way, when he went away, and he would, she wouldn't find herself with another hole, another void, to fill.  However, she'd just reached her room when her knees gave way and she fell to the navy carpet, her hand over her mouth, and sobbed.  She couldn't let anyone in.  She wanted to, but she knew better.  She knew that pain already.  But did it really have to be him?