far to young to die ( phan fiction )

cigarettes in the theatre

we paced our way slowly toward a huge block of dimly lit apartments andthe odd flat here and there.

i had always hated it here.

the scars on my arms began to burn as my arm brushed against phils, he noticed that i winced.

I had lost my best friend here some years ago ... she was always there for me then .

i blame myself for her passing.

she had flowing brown hair and was a beautiful and loving person with a perfect body and a personality like no other . 

i just remember the last time i ever saw her ..

she was hanging from that exact tree .. oh no..

phil was walking straight towards it .

i miss her so fucking much i cant hold back the tears as in my mind i had a tape play our memeories together over in my head...

having sleepovers and getting her brother to walk us down to my house at 9 at night beacuse she had to tidy her room first ...

going to her moms new apartment for the first time and just hanging out ...

listening to pierce the veil as loud as we could,to try and drown out our emotions...

she was the only one who kept me happy ...

we did everything together ...

by now phil was gesturing me to sit under the tree ...

i just couldnt take it ...ilet go of his hand and pushed my toes asfar down as i could preparing to run as fast asi could to get awayfrom the old repressed memories of us together ...

we were a lot more than friends ...

i just wish i had realised sooner ...

i just wish things could have been different ...

we stopped talking after us and then she got depressed...

i couldnt stop thinking about her i just needed to get over her first but...

by the time i had got to the feild later that night...

i watched her off in the distance...

put her neck in the noose...

i had no idea it was her until...

she saw me ..

i remeber how the moon was just above that tree giving me a perfect sillouette of her almost lifeless body...

i ran towards her asasmall tear drifed sorrowfully out  of her eye ...

i screamed and tried as hard asi could to get her neck out the noose ...

nothing ..

i tugged for hours ...

i broke down crying on the floor next to her in hope i would just die too...

ever since then ive been in so much emotional pain ..

not to mention my mother giving me physical pain so bad i could barely move afterward...

i exiled her andshe hated me for it ... 

its all my fault ...

why do i even try to live anymore...