Trying to Kill Each Other Doesn't Count as Flirting (or Does it?)

Chapter 1

"So you want to me to play babysitter, is that it?"

Hijikata sighed at Okita's words, letting out a puff of smoke. It was clear he was trying to stay calm, but Okita could see the tension in his brow. A little more pushing, and he would snap. That was always entertaining.

"The Hitotsubashi are an important noble family. It's an honor they requested you to watch their daughter, and," he added before Okita could open his mouth again, "they're offering a bit of extra compensation for our services. You'll get a pay raise, of course."

Okita hesitated at this. As much as he didn't want to play babysitter, and as much as he really didn't want to do as Hijikata said, the extra money was appealing. Maybe then he would be able to afford that special poison he wanted to try putting in Hijikata's mayonnaise...

Still, he could at least afford make one last jab at Hijikata.

"Wow, so you're doing this for the money, then. And here I thought you were supposed to be an honorable samurai—"

"Get out of here and guard the girl, all right?"

~o0o~

Hitotsubashi (F/N) was one of the youngest members of the Hitotsubashi family at seventeen years old. She was cousin to Hitotsubashi Nobunobu, the current head of the family. Her parents kept her quite isolated, and due to this, that was the extent of Okita's knowledge of the girl he was supposed to be protecting.

"Right this way, please," said a little maid as she led him past more rooms than anyone could possibly use. Nobles were all the same. (F/N) was probably a spoiled brat.

"I'm sure the lady will be so happy to see you," the maid gushed. "She's such a sweet little girl, and she's been so lonely ever since her last bodyguard left. It's been—what—two years? But now the lord and lady have finally found someone suitable! I'm so glad! She'll be so happy to have someone else here who's around her own age—"

So that's why they chose me, huh? This is so annoying...Damn Hijikata...he'll pay for this...

The maid stopped at one of the elaborately painted doors.

"(F/N)-sama, he's arrived."

"Oh! Um—let him in!"

The maid opened the door, revealing a (height) girl with (eye color) eyes, and flushed cheeks.

"It's—it's nice to meet you." She bowed her head to him. "I'm Hitotsubashi (F/N). I look forward to working with you."

Huh, Okita thought. Maybe this won't be so bad, after all.

"Thank you, Hana," she said to the maid, "you can go now."

The maid bowed to her, and closed the door. Once she was gone, (F/N) stepped up to Okita, a sweet smile on her face.

He only had a second to dodge a kick to the nuts.

"You're an eyesore," she snapped. "Get out of my sight."

So this is her game, huh? So much for not being a spoiled brat...

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, "aren't you the helpless princess who needs to be protected by a big bad cop?"

She crossed her arms, all the dainty mannerisms from earlier gone.

"I'm not a princess, and I have no need for protection. Get out of my sight."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Okita drawled, "it seems I've stepped into the gorilla cage by accident."

"Excuse me?" she snapped. "I am not a gorilla! It's not my fault my parents decided to hire you without my permission. Now go on! Shoo! Get out of my sight!"

"Now, now," he said, taking a step towards her, "are you sure you want to be that rude to me? Who knows what I could do to you while we're alone? I am a big scary cop, after all. You're nothing but a spoiled rotten little princess."

Okita stopped a moment to think how good she would look in a spiked collar with a gag covering that big mouth of hers, but she didn't even flinch.

"You wouldn't do anything that could cost you your job, now would you?" She smirked, and pulled something out of her kimono sleeve. "Besides, I have photographic evidence of Hijikata Toushirou stealing mayo from our fridge. That should make for some good blackmail material, right?"

Sougo hesitated.

"You've done your research."

"You might do well not to try to assassinate your boss on the evening news. Now, get out of here right now and I'll give you this."

He snatched the camera out of her hand—no point in sticking around if this was all he'd get for it, after all—and turned to the door.

"Fine, but I still think you'd look better with a gag over that big mouth of yours."

"And I think you'd look better if you weren't such an asshole, but alas, the world is a cruel place."

Okita slammed the door behind him, and walked down the hall, trying to remember the way to the front door. As he headed down a flight of stairs, he turned the camera on, and went into 'memory.'

Empty.

"I hate that girl."

Author's note: Hello! Thank you so much for reading the first chapter of my new Okita fic. If you're liking it so far, please remember to vote! Thank you!

-Marguerite Partello