Chapter 1 - Kai
KRYSTAL
I used to loved my job. I loved my passion. I loved the fame. I loved the fans. I loved my world. Don't get me wrong I still love it now. I love it a little less than I did before. Things just can get messy sometimes. What I hated a bout the fame, was everyday my private life becomes theirs. Basically, my own private business was also the fan's private business. I know, I owe everything to them, My job, my dreams, my passion, the fame...just everything I earned. I owe it to them but sometimes I wish I could go back to those times I wasn't famous yet. Those times where I wished I was. Ironic. How I wanted to be famous but now that I am, I wish I wasn't. Maybe that is really a way of life. You never get contended. You wished to get what you want, and when you actually get it, you don't want it anymore. You think those big things like fame and money can make you happy but then, there will come a point when you realize it won't. Happiness are not found in the big things, it's found on the little ones. Now, I know that. I just wished I knew sooner. There's no point in regretting. So I just go with the flow of life. Fake it until you make it.
Not until I had him. Everything was never the same. I found love in him. He slows me down. He makes my city spin. He makes me okay. He makes everything in my life balanced. He was happiness disguised as a human. Now that I have him, I don't want to hide him. I don't want to lose him just because of my dreams. I don't want to love him secretly. For me, he is my happiness, he is what I want now, and everything else was just collateral damage. In life, you'll find someone you want to own. You'll find someone you'll never get tired of. You'll find someone that even when the city's spinning, he'll slow it down and when you do, you'll never want to let go. You shouldn't, cause you won't find any other. One chance. I found him. I won't lose him for what I have right now. I love him. I love kai. I love kim jongin.
The first time I met him, I didn't know he was the one. There were no sparks. I've heard a couple of fans shipping us together and that was practically it. We were under the same agency, and that was it before. Nothing more and nothing less. We were casual and civil to each other whenever our paths crossed in interviews, fanmeets, rehersals, award shows and etc.
Until one night, our group exo and f(x) had to share one presidential suite for one concert in the Philippines. There was no other room available in nearby hotel called sofitel and our flight was cancelled due to bad whether predictions so we had to stay one more day before going to another country. It was 11:30pm and all the girls in the room were sleeping. I guess all the boys in the other room was sleeping too. And me, I can't sleep. I'm worried about Jessica. I'm worried about my sister. She's having a lot of problems. From leaving her girlgroup to the persons she treated as a sister saying mean things to her and the bashers, who knows nothing better than to bash people they don't even personally know and based their comments on SM articles, or whatever bullshit they see online. She's having a hard time. She's torn between her love and her career. I know someday I will be too. Fans make us choose. Fans want us to be with the person they ship us with. They want to choose our path. They decide for us. They want to dictate our lives. Not all of them but at least half of them. When they don't like what we do, they bash us without even knowing the reason why. That pisses me off. Seeing my sister who I always look up to hurt and be vulnerable was hurting me too. I'm worried, I can't sleep, and I'm not even allowed to talk about it says my Agency. Argh. I can't sleep, so I went to the kitchen of our hotel room and went to look for something to eat and drink ---
"Shit. You scared the crap out of me kai!" I said. Really. I did not heard his footsteps on the way to the kitchen. So I was shocked when I saw him at the other side of the kitchen staring at me.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to. What are you doing up at this hour?" He asked me.
"What else? I can't sleep. I'm starving and thirsty for coffee." I must be out of luck today because the mini fridge was nothing but empty. Damn. Where am I going to get coffee and food. I didn't think we'd run out of it. The boys must have eaten all up.
