might get spoken while you sleep

drunk

for the next week, that's all you could think about.

he doesn't want you to love him.

you'd scoff, like that could ever happen.

but then you'd remember, oh right. mood control.

emmetts phrase kept you awake. you couldn't sleep, couldn't focus.

so you decided to go to a party. it was friday. you could spare to get a little tipsy. and so, you slid on a black skirt with fishnets and a tight white crop top and some black platform boots. hoping you looked hot enough to catch the attention of someone.

you had asked yazzie if she was coming but she had to pack, she was going home for a week. so you left, alone, keeping to yourself and having a weapon in case you needed it.

the party was at some fraternity that you'd been to a couple times. it was a very large house with lots of alcohol, and weed. you weren't a marijuana person all the time, but you dabbled on occasion. only if you were stressed or needed a good sleep. you kept a small bag of blunts in your bedside drawer.

the music was booming as you walked in, sweaty bodies dancing with each other, people conversing on the couch, the house smelled of vodka, you poured yourself a drink.

then another.

and another.

and another.

and another.

you couldn't walk in a straight line.

between drinks you'd go dance, talk to people, or eat some of the food they had there. you knew how to (mostly) take care of yourself when you were drinking.

soon enough, it was two am, you didn't want to walk alone, let alone with a drunk frat boy. so, you called emmett.

"em, can you come- uh- can you come walk me home?" you slurred.

"are you drunk?"

"n-yes." you laugh.

"i would. but, rosalie asked me to come visit for the weekend, so i'm in alaska right now. call yasmin."

"she's headed to see her parents for the week. it's okay, i'll walk home by myself. i'll be okay, i have a weapon." you speak, the alcohol had affected you worse than you had thought.

"no, jasper is on his way."

"not jasper! i would rather die than walk home with jasper." you groan.

"too bad darlin." the voice came from behind you. how did he get there so fast?

"be nice y/n. remember what i told you." emmett says, hanging up.

you sigh, and start walking, jasper walking next to you. with each step that you took, you felt dizzy. wanting to fall over, fucking boots.

"stop for a minute." jasper says, stepping in front of you.

"what are you doing?" you ask, he crouches a bit.

"come on, get on my back."

"no."

"you can't walk without feeling like you're gonna fall over sweetheart."

"don't call me sweetheart."

"whatever. just get on, i promise i won't drop you." he says, his tone is gentle, the feeling of hatred in you starts to subside. maybe he stopped trying to control your mood. maybe he was trying to let you in. you felt warm. your heart felt warm. you got on his back and he wrapped his arms around your legs, holding you up. you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, he was cold, like ice.

"you're so cold." you say. placing your face on your arm, your hair brushing against his neck.

"you're so warm." he smiles. you laugh softly, slowly slipping into sleep.

you slept for the rest of the walk. he woke you up and set you down when you arrived at your dorm.

"will you stay with me? i don't want to be alone..." you say. your sober self would call you pathetic.

"sure thing darlin." he says as you open the door. stepping inside, you trip, almost falling, but he catches you, he walks you to your bed, one hand on your arm, the other on your waist. you go to bend down to unzip your boots, almost falling again, so jasper sits you on your bed and does it for you.

you felt warm again, but not in a good way. your stomach began to turn. the red flush of your cheeks turned pale, and you knew, you were going to be sick. you felt it coming up your throat. you gagged. jasper quickly grabbed a trash can for you, holding your hair back as you retched. god, you just started to feel normal around him, then you had to go and barf. ugh.

"come on, let's get you showered. you have some in your hair." you didn't even need to ask what. you always got puke in your hair. you were a sloppy drunk. hopefully a shower would help you sober up a little.

jasper carried you to the bathroom, helped you undress, and turned on the water to a temperature he figured you'd like. having gone in to shower after you a couple times and the bathroom would be filled with steam.

he helped you into the tub, and he got undressed, stepping in behind you, holding you up, washing your hair, conditioning it, helping you keep your balance while you washed your body. he didn't want to have to touch your body (more or less certain parts of it) without your consent. or while you were drunk.

he stepped out before you and grabbed a towel for you, holding it up for you to step into. you were tired. you stepped into the towel and you dried yourself off, feeling a bit more sober than before. he walked you to your bed, helped you slide on some sweat pants and a baggy shirt.

you laid down, covering up with your blanket. jasper walked over to yasmin's bed.

"no not over there." you protested. he looked at you, sighed, then walked over to your bed, plugged your phones in, and laid down next to you. you closed your eyes, turned so you were facing him, and snuggled up close. much to his confusion, he reluctantly wrapped his arms around you and played with your hair until you fell asleep.

he couldn't think of anything but,

what have i done.