Dreaming of Daisy

Chapter 7 - Physical Training

"Half your life you struggle
Half your life you fly
Half your life makin' trouble
Half your life makin' it right
One day I'm the exception
Most days I'm just like most
Some days I'm headed in the right direction
And some days I ain't even close"

(Burning Man  -Dierks Bentley)

The decline was starting to become apparent to James but he didn't know what he could do to stop it. It might just be age he thought. As he put on his workout clothes he couldn't shake the topic from his mind. The worst part was that the decay wasn't coming gradually, but rather exponentially. He walked into the bathroom to shave. He wasn't sure what his half-life was, but at this point as he looked into the mirror, he was barely able to recognize himself. Shaving nearly every day for over a year caused the hairs to grow back thick now. As the shaving cream and dark hairs were carved off, the face beneath was not the lighthearted one that came to college. He wondered where the last year and a half had gone.

After shaving was checked off and clothes were on, he poured a cup of cold coffee from the pot left from the day prior. His body needed the coffee every day now. James drank and the bitterness made him purse his lips. The strong taste, and the immediate release of chemical bliss buzzing through his brain were a welcome caffeinated relief to the early morning darkness. Ed popped in his door while James was downing the last gulp, and with that they were off to the gym.

It was Sophomore year of college. They were no longer the starry eyed freshman that arrived to campus a year and half ago. They were now ROTC cadets balancing physical fitness, academic studies, Army training, and the full social calendars required to fit in. The two took the elevator down to the basement of their campus apartment building in silence, stepped out, and continued outside into the parking garage. It was still dark outside at 5:40, and the darkness made the winter air seem even colder. The two strode through the parking garage and out to the side walk. It was about a three block walk down to the gym where they worked out from 6:00 to 7:00 am.

Nobody can honestly say they like to wake up before 6:00 a.m. Few people do on a regular basis. Even fewer college students do. But, there is something special about being awake at such an early hour. The day itself is still waking up. The streets sit empty, and the traffic lights flicker through their show with no audience. Every movement draws immediate attention. In the day, there is too much commotion to pay attention to anyone's movement in particular. But in the morning, there are so few people, it's impossible not to pay complete attention to each of them. You really notice the people who get the city running and out of bed.

The garbage trucks roam freely up the side streets uninterrupted by cars or even traffic signals. The smoke flows out of the buildings and car exhaust pipes in that cold white way. The barista, the bagel maker, the bus driver, and the other essential employees who get us on our feet each day quietly make their way into work. There is no reason to talk about it to one another. There is no energy for that. Just barely enough energy for the tired minds to push their begrudging bodies forward to that first event.

James couldn't help but feel a certain romantic and earnest honesty in the whole scene. Tired workers, pushing themselves forward through the cold and dark, to carry out their duty. There is certainly a fundamental dignity in work. The dignity is multiplied further when the work is done before the world is awake James imagined.

Ed and James certainly did not want to work out as they walked into the gym lobby that morning. Yet, it was their job to. They had signed a contract with Uncle Sam, and he would get what he was owed. The twenty six of them formed up at 6:00 am, reported their numbers to the senior cadet, and then stretched prior to the workout. Two cadets led the stretching in front of the group, and the rest followed along in unison. They all wore the same gray army physical training uniforms, and same gray expressions on their faces.

Behind them Master Sergeant Retired Reed stood in stony silence and watched them stretch as he sipped his coffee. A product of 25 years of Army life, the ROTC instructor was as steady as his expression. He was responsible for forming the next generation of Army leaders, and he wasn't going to do it by handing out high fives.

College is a time of tumult and transformation. No matter how grounded you are when you move out for the first time, the sudden shocks and social realities of adulthood can quickly cause your tethers to come untied. In that chaos, the morning physical training was a continuous point of stability for James. Stability is one of the most under-appreciated parts of a person's life. Stability gives the future a certain sense of predictability. It gives someone a foundation on which to build a future.

James was not impressed by who he was becoming. Which was weird. His parents and family were all proud of him. He had a full ride to school paid for by the U.S. Army. His ROTC instructors and professors were pleased with his work. Even still, something felt off to him.

It felt as if he was walking down a lovely stretch of pathway, with trees and other nice shrubbery on each shoulder. There were plenty of other people around, and he knew most of them. Despite all these things, what lay ahead was clouded in a fog James couldn't decipher.  He kept walking, but wasn't quite sure of the direction. Or even if he was on the right path at all.