Toxic love

The party.

Finally deciding what I should wear which took me about a hour.. I start doing my hair and make up. Which all I did was my eye brows, eyeliner etc you get the point, and straighten my hair. I get in my car while blaring lil peep and drive to chases. As I arrive, I see him outside already smoking a blunt. I roll my eyes and laugh and waited for him to get in. After about fucking five hours he finally got in haha jk more like 15 minutes he had to finish the blunt. When he got in he started smiling at me and I rolled my eyes and asked him what he was smiling about. He called me pretty and said that all the guys would hit on me. I responded; "chase no preppy ass dude at this party is going to want me the only people like me here that I've seen is you, and this bitches bf in my class". Chase asked me what her name was and I told him I didn't know and didn't care to find out. He shrugged his shoulders and we continued to listen to music until we arrived. It took us about 15 minutes to arrive at this big ass house fuck these people were rich.

As we go in so many people were saying hey to chase and I just stood there being akward asf just giving people small smiles. We go to the back where there's a huge pool and people everywhere. He starts taking his clothes off and hops in leaving me alone. I go back inside and look for something to drink, automatically I spot vodka and pour me up some. From the corner of my eye I see him and the blonde girl and all there friends staring at me laughing. She comes up to me and says "I'm zoe you must be the bitch who's too fat for that outfit." I roll my eyes and go "honey you wish you could look like me in this." And she rolls her eyes and walks away. Yesssirrrr points for me. I smirk and take a shot. Chase comes back in and pulls me to the back. He sees them, aka the assholes and drags me over there to them. I roll my eyes but accept being dragged over there anyways. Chase smiles and hugs most of them and goes "this is anavia she's cool asf" and Zoe rolls her eyes and says "cool? More like weird" and they start laughing. Chase rolls his eyes and grabs a blunt from one of the dudes. God I wanna hit that blunt so bad I think to myself. I could feel someone staring at me and as I was right, looking over I see him. He was looking me up and down while smirking. I roll my eyes and continue listening to there convos about what girls they pulled and whole bunch of dumb shit. Finally chase looks to me and ask me if I wanted a hit, everyone stared at me as I said "hell yea". I hit the blunt about 5 times before I gave it back. Grabbing my own blunt from my pocket (which I forgot to mention I had lol) I ask to see his lighter and light it. Me and chase were sharing my blunt until he asked to hit it. I flipped him off and said no and chase started laughing loud asf. I responded with "sorry I don't let strangers hit my shit." He looked me up and down and said "well my name is gauge and even tho you seem weird asf according to my gf you should let me hit it." I rolled my eyes and still didn't let him. She got pissed at him and drug him into another room. I check my phone to see what time it was and when I checked it I had so many missed calls from my mom. I told chase I had to go and asked him if he needed a ride home or was going to stay. He said he'd ride with me so we hopped in the coup. I was high but not as much as chase was, he downed so many bottles of vodka and smoked so let's just say it was safer for me to drive than him. The whole ride he kept touching my hair and telling me how pretty I was and everytime it would make me blush hard asf. Sure, boys have called me pretty before but after my father I'll never feel the same confidence I use to have. I just lightly smiled and continued driving.

Finally we arrived to his house and said our goodbyes. I grabbed my phone and texted my mom telling her I was on the way home, which she never responded too. I shrugged my shoulders, and drove back. After what felt like forever I finally made it home. When I walked in the first thing I saw was my mom sitting on the stairs with her face in her hands. I sat beside her and asked her what's wrong and she told me to breathe in her face and I thought to myself fuck I hope she don't smell the vodka. After I was done she started crying. "You're going to end up just like your father a alcoholic and a druggie who abuses people." I looked at her in shock, she's never once said that to me even when she caught me overdosing plenty of times in my room.. speechless I ran up to my room and locked the door. So many emotions and memories were all in my mind and you could say I was overdosing on thoughts I didn't want to have. (No I'm not suicidal if that's what you're thinking I promise) I got on my phone and got on insta.

Anavia123: overdosing on these demons in my head.