Broken Souls

Chapter 1 - I don't care either way

<Maddie>

I feel like he can see me, all of me.

The way his eyes look me over, I wonder if he can tell I am barely functioning. Not much comes after my skin and bones, no soul lives inside here. If it does its been beaten and disfigured, hardly recognizable and unrepairable. I look away, afraid for him to know.

One by one they take the whiskey shots off my tray. Feels like an eternity before I am in front of him, slightly shaking and unable to meet his gaze as I hold out to him the last shot on my tray.

I can feel him reach and take the shot off my tray. Only view I have is of his strong hand that looks worn and callused but taken care of. He has a scar on the top of his hand by his thumb. Once he takes the shot I tuck the tray under my arm and turn to walk away so that I can breathe.

"Stop."

Not a request, a demand. I never took demands too well. I have spent my life looking to get in to trouble. Honestly, just out of habit I find myself stoping, I turn slightly to look up at him over my shoulder before looking away and walking off. I need to get away from him anyways. I can't breathe in here. Luckily he doesn't stop me.

As soon as I'm out of sight I practically run through the kitchen to the back of the bar to the storage room where I often hide out. My little safe haven here. I take a huge deep breath trying to suck in as much air as I can. I run my fingers through my hair, pulling as hard as I can. I scratch my arm and neck as hard as I can.

Anxiety crawling all over me, I can feel it right up under my skin.

This isn't enough.

I need relief.

Im going to scream.

I can't be here.

I sink to the floor not caring about the time passing or whats going on, on the other side of the door.

A few rapid knocks on the door force me to collect myself the best I can. Jay bursts in. I raise my eyebrows at him. He's sweating even more than earlier and looking pale.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Are you okay?" He shoots back and I shake my head.

"I know this is where you come to.. whatever, but I needed to borrow it... and I need to talk to you." Never really heard Jay's voice sound like that and it distracts me from my own suffering.

"The deal is off, I'm not going through with it Mads. I told those lawyers to fuck off."

Jay sounds secure in his answer but I know how badly he wanted this.

"What happened? I haven't been in here that long have I?"

"It was quick, I can't even believe it. I don't know what they're into Maddie but I would never get you caught up in some shit." Jay says while producing a small bottle of gin from his coat pocket.

"Me? What do I have to do with any of this?"

Jay takes a swig of the bottle then lets out a deep breath. "Your guess is as good as mine. Lawyer comes up to me like 'we got a small request'. I don't think a whole person is very small."

He's beating around the bush "Jay, come on just say it"

"You, Maddie. They want you," he eyes me from the side to gauge my reaction. "The guy in charge says he was impressed by your service, hahaha, with your stone cold face I knew it was a lie if I ever heard one. He wants you to come work for him but won't say for what. I don't know what weird shit these assholes are into Mads but I wouldn't do that to anyone, especially you."

"The guy in charge? Which guy?"

"How could you miss him, guys a walking fucking hard on. The guy you served after we talked, tallest one with the dark hair."

What could he want with me? I guess he does remember me. I must be sick in the head because I want to do it. Excitement and fear wash all over me, somehow it feels like a scratch to the itch. It has been so long since I have gotten the kind of relief he gave me. Would he be interested in offering it? Its been years. He never seemed like the one to give without taking first. I start itching just from the thought of feeling relief. What if he has became even more dangerous than he was? I could possibly be singing my own death certificate. Honestly, I don't care either way.

I stand up and get my shit together. I know Jay would never willingly let me martyr myself. He knows how self-destructive I can be. He wouldn't want anything to do with it.

"Where's you going?" He's starting to slur.

"Back to work." Or something like that. I've never been confident exactly, hate myself to much to be that. These random bursts of a feeling that looks something like it- desperation made me do this. I'd do anything to feel anything again.

I walk out into the bar, I haven't felt so mission oriented in years. I spot the lawyers by the bar Jay was with at a nearby table.

"Triple his asking price and I'll do it." I say sternly as soon as I make it to the table.

The lawyer adjust his glasses, startled. "Young lady! Our boss has been more than generous considering the state of this establishment. I'm not sure what you expec- "

He suddenly stops mid sentence, looking off into the distance. I can't back down.

"Actually, It seems like you might have a deal, but we would need a signature immediately, sign here and we will receive your bosses after"

He slides the papers towards me and hands me the pen. I feel myself hesitating as I look at the lawyers and around the bar. Fuck it.

I sign the papers.

"Thank you so much for your cooperation. A car while be waiting outside for you in twenty minutes."

"Right now?"

"Twenty minutes out front, and my dear some advice. He would not appreciate it if you were late."

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short but it feels right to stop it here. Don't forget to like and comment (: