Dawn

Fine

White snow is covering my fair hair.
The landscape looks so perfect as snow is building a perfectly even layer over it. As if it is covering the sleeping flowers with a blanket so that they can grow beautifully in spring.
A natural process. It always repeats itself, a constantly changing circle.
You could say that each beauty in each season represents our live.  A constantly changing circle of feelings. Cold, warm, wild, and eased. Just as the seasons right?
That's at least how a healthy live should be.
Unfortunately, this perfect circle is just not fitting for everybody making it impossible to function properly.
This constant perfection society are expecting you to have is like a full jar, needing just a centimeter to spill.
And this is the so called burnout.
I sigh as I walk through the snowy field on my way to my place where I like to just sit an listen to some music. Every breath of mine is creating little steam in the cold air. I freeze as the cold air strokes my nearly naked thighs.
I sit down onto the bench allowing my build up tears to wet my cheeks. I don't exactly know why I'm crying but it feels good. I cough at the freezing air I've been inhaling the whole time.
My favorite time of the year.
Ice cold as the shield I've been keeping my shattered heart in.
I don't exactly know the reason.
Others have their heart broken, or something else.
But I'm crying over nothing. I hate the feeling that is now mixed with disgust. I'm at the point where I'm disgusted by my own thoughts.
Tears keep running down my cheeks making their way towards the snowy ground.
I've been ignorant towards other people with even darker pasts.
Another tear escapes my eyes as I stare at the dark sky. The sun was about to rise from the horizon.
A new day, a new me
I laugh at myself as I pull my legs closer towards me.
My breath leaves steams of hot air.
I'm just a waste of time and money.
I pull out my phone from my pocket, connecting my headphones with it.
'Fine'
I sigh as I read the title of the song.
It's just fine
I murmur regarding the fact that the original means it's not fine.
Well, it will have to be just fine for me.
I am used to pretending that it's fine.
I'm so much used to the phrase it's just fine that I except my own fate.
Yes, I accept that my life is miserable.
That won't change as I'm unable to feel happy.
Another selfish thought.
But I guess everybody is selfish at some point.
I try to pull myself together as I lay down at the bench.
The sun is rising already, creating beautiful read colors at the night sky.
I dry up the leftover tears with my hand.
A new day promising a new chance for each.
But as if somebody is trying to hurt me, I feel excluded.
As if I don't deserve a restart of my shitty life.

But it's just fine