To Sir with Love

Chapter 1

 TWO YEARS EARLIER...................................

Jason checked his watch one more time. Gary was late and he was hoping that he wasn't going to cancel at the last minute, because there was something urgent he wanted to talk to him about. In fact, he owed it to him to tell him how he was really feeling about the direction his life was going in. He was unhappy with the treadmill of being in the public eye and the constant pressures. Sometimes he felt like a hamster in a cage - simply there for other people's amusement, to be poked and prodded.

A couple of moments later Gary arrived in a flurry of apologies for being late. 'Ah Jeez Jay. I'm so sorry!' he said, apologising profusely for being so late. 'Fran was up all night with the baby and to be honest I overslept as I was kept awake too!' he said, hugging Jason tightly to him as he referred to his six week old daughter Mae and her lack of nightly routine.

'No, don't worry about it.' Jason said, extricating himself from Gary's bear hug. 'Come on. Let's get inside in the warm. It's bloody freezing out here!' he blew on his fingers, cursing the fact that he'd forgotten his gloves. Opening the door, he led the way into the crowded Costa Coffee situated on Kensington High Street.

Gary followed Jason to the counter, feeling somewhat confused as to what was so important that Jason had rung him asking to see him alone and at pretty short notice. He'd already noticed that Jason was avoiding his gaze and he tried to ignore the uneasy feeling that had settled into the pit of his stomach.

The two men ordered a Panini each and a pot of tea and ignoring the odd stare of curiosity from the people already in the cafe they sat at a table by the heavily steamed front window.

'What's on your mind?' Gary asked immediately, as soon as they settled into the comfy chairs opposite each other.

'What makes you think I've got something on my mind?' Jason asked, hating the fact that Gary could read him like a book.

'Ah, come on Jay. I've known you for how long? Over twenty years? I know the way you tick.' Gary settled back in the chair and stared unflinchingly at Jason, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest.

Jason sighed and pushed his wire glasses further up his nose, cursing to himself that his old age had at long last caught up with him, forcing him to wear glasses to correct his short-sightedness. 'I can't do it anymore, Gaz.'

'Can't do what Jay?' Gary asked, half guessing already what Jason was going to say. Call it intuition, but he'd had a feeling it was coming for quite a while. Mark and Howard were completely oblivious to Jason becoming ever more detached from them, but Gary had noticed it and it scared him. He hadn't said anything out loud to Jason, because to verbalise it would mean it was true.

'I can't do this fame thing any more Gary. I hate it. You saw people looking at us as we came in didn't you?'

Gary shook his head defiantly. 'No I didn't Jay.'

'Liar!'

'Jay, it's the truth. I zone out to it. Of course if someone comes up to me and asks for a photo I notice, but I guess over the years I've learnt to ignore the whispers.' Gary re-assured him. He felt sick as he realised that Jason was serious.

'I'm unhappy Gaz - really unhappy. I'm not an animal in a cage and that's how I feel!' Jason licked his lips as he tried to quell the feeling that he was going to cry. Gary looked like his entire world was about to cave in and he felt like a complete shit, because it was him that was about to throw the grenade in and walk away as it exploded in the faces of the three men in the world that he loved the most, apart from his brothers Tom and Jacob.