Raise Your Voice.

        Hello, my name is Tsukishima Kei. I am a volleyball player, and it just so happens that I'm gay. My life was never easy, I was disliked and teased. As much as I was "salty" towards others, I never wanted to hurt anybody. There was a boy, he always understood and supported me. His name? Tadashi Yamaguchi. He was always so sweet and caring, I'm no liar so I will say that I loved him. He was beautiful, he had green hair like emeralds, green eyes like the forest leaves, and adorable freckles that brought his whole face together. Yamaguchi seemed to be the only one that could make me smile. His jokes were hilarious, and they always made me happy, his smile was so tauntingly sweet. He was him, that's why I loved him. Anyways, back to the topic of volleyball. I played on a team at Karusano High School. Daichi was the caption, he was nice enough. Kageyama never liked me. He was too focused on the little decoy, Hinata. Getting into the reason for this, I argued with people a lot. It made me feel a bit number every argument I had. I never understood why I was so affected by simple words. Yamaguchi never argued with me, he never yelled. It was perfect. He was perfect. Yamaguchi was always there to support and help me. It was amazing, I was so happy while with him. Until one day. One small day changed everything.

Yamaguchi, he yelled at me. For something I can't even remember now. After that, I went completely numb. I stopped talking at practices, I stopped caring about how others felt. I stopped caring about my mental health. Kageyama teased me for it. He called me a robot. He said I was broken. I guess he wasn't incorrect, but it still hurt. He didn't understand. He couldn't possibly understand what was going through. I trusted Yamaguchi. Hell, I was head over heels for the guy. I felt safe with him. I even stood up for him when we were kids. He was getting bullied and I helped him. We had a bond of trust that would never break. Oh, how that changed. I went into a depression as the teasing continued. The words stuck in my head. Robot, heartless, freak. It didn't stop. Not long after it all, I started to cut. Long sleeves and shorts long enough to cover the top half of my thighs and nobody would ever find out. I kept it to myself. It wouldn't matter if I did or not. All this pain, the voices in my head, I kept it all to myself. They can't see my struggle. They can never see my struggle. I must be the robot. Soon that attitude was my doom.

People started worrying about me. They would only judge me. The team needs to believe I'm fine. But the thoughts wouldn't stop. The voices grew louder. They got so loud that it was all I could hear. I should have gotten help. Yamaguchi begged me to get help. I guess he found out what was happening. As long as the rest of the team doesn't know. They could never understand me. They would never comprehend my pain. All of the guilt. I know what its like to be afraid of your own mind. My thoughts were overwhelmingly dark. They stuck in my head like a cake to a no greased pan. I didn't realize that I had to ignore them. I'm sorry Yamaguchi. I'm sorry everyone. This is one fight that I couldn't win. I'm so sorry Yamaguchi. I couldn't be strong. This pain was too much. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you longer. It's not easy. I locked myself in my room. I was so ready and desperate to give my own life. Sadly, I did. I was running out of time. I needed more time. I should have called. I should have fought. I'm watching over you Yamaguchi, never forget my love for you.

Time. It was only a matter of time. I gave up on my fight. Let this be a lesson, don't give up. Don't be like me. Yamaguchi, my love, take your time. I'll see you on the other side. Don't rush to the other side. You have so much to live for. You are strong, keep fighting. Everyone please keep fighting. Don't cry over me, I don't want to see you sad. Bring us to nationals again, for me? Alright I should go, I'm running out of things to say. Please just hold on tight. You were wondering why I did this to myself, having asked for no help. This story explains it. Yamaguchi, I would give the world to hear you say my name, one last time. I love you. Goodbye everyone. Goodbye world. Goodbye pain. Goodbye fighting. Goodbye.

Sincerely sorry,

Tsukishima Kei.