dear diary

the first kiss(es)

Monday, August 31, 2020

It was almost end of the summer of 2020, the worst year in the history of all my years. In two weeks time I would be venturing into the world of higher education and overwhelming student loans, but before that I lingered in the cool breeze of a simple summer night. Hands thrown in the air surrounded by those who were my closest friends, those who would never forget me, while shadows gripped my spine, yet a smile triumphed the pain.

Talks of hyperopia and brain addling praises flew into the dark confines of the park, and I all I felt was the anxious feeling of anticipation that had the tormented me since childhood. And then suddenly it was gone.

I was 18 when I had my first kiss.

His name wasn't necessary to know, but I knew he cared for me and that was enough. Quite curiously though, through natural impulsivity in the moment of heightened feelings of euphoria, I had taken his face in my hands, risen to the tips of my toes, and kissed him. It was a simple kiss, as simple as the one someone would give a life long lover before heading to work or wishing them a good night's sleep.

What I couldn't have accounted for was the second kiss that had come only moments after, somehow more vibrant than the first. It was a sudden flurry of lips on mine, quick, yet intense. And the softness of her lips was something different, faster than a blink yet more intense than the glare of the sun's shine in your eyes.

And just like that I had had my first kisses on a cool summers night, surrounded by those who cared for me, and loved me. Be it as it were, it is nothing but an aging story of stumbling youth, when no one even knows what life is like. Yet we know better than most, and we know more than we let on. Now I float in a lucid dream, and life is bittersweet.

Princess Mononoke Soundtrack
(Or really any studio Ghibli soundtrack)