Stuck in His Eyes

His Hands

      I miss the touch of his lips on my skin and his fingertips caressing down the curves of my body. The passion from the pheromones that radiated off his body as he breathed heavily on the back of my neck and his hands rested on my hips. The way he pulled me closer to him, as if he couldn't recieve enough of my body. I would breathe in his perspirant and get a high, as if I was on cocaine. He was the devil to my angel and he knew it. He fed off of it.

      As I stand here with my head leaned against the window and my arms crossed, staring out into an empty autumn-colored backyard, I can't help but ask myself if I made the right decision. The divorce was finally done after months of mediation. He gave me the house for the kids and he had all his belongings moved to his parents. I haven't heard from him in a week. After all was said and done, he left the court room. Yet, not without a look on his face that broke my heart even more than his deciet. His eyes were glassy, as if he was holding back a river of tears. His eyes had bags under them. It was as if all the light in him completely disappeared.

      Had I done the right thing? Could I have handled everything better, or longer than I already had for the three years before? Was it completely my fault? Was it completely his fault? Was there a middle ground? I just don't know.

      "Mommy... are you okay?" I heard a tiny soft voice ask me and I suddenly came back down to Earth. It was my five year old son, Chase. I looked down and smiled at him as I lifted him up into my arms. "I'm okay baby. Dinner is cooling on the stove and will be ready in a minute. Where is Elsa?" He smiled back and responded, "Sissy is playing Roblox on her labtop." I asked, "how about you go get her for me and let her know dinner is done. Okay? It's her favorite too... meatloaf!"

      As I went to the cabinet to grab dinner plates, I came across the bowls Massimo bought for me the day we came back from our honeymoon. We had just gotten back from Greece. We stayed at a beautiful little cottage on a hill by the beach in Chios. The scenery was breathtaking. We made love from dusk to dawn. It was where Elsa was conceived. A tear drop snuck out from my eye and slowly slid down my cheek as I grabbed the plates next to the bowl. It was another reminder of the lie I was living by thinking he ever truly loved me.