The used

Love and happiness

What is love?
It's a question I think about a lot. Love such a small simple word but yet it means so much. Love so complicated so hard to conceive or understand. How do u know when u love someone? When u give yourself to that person mind, body, and soul to do what your told when your told to obey every command they give you. At least that what I think it is I mean what else could it be, it's so hard to understand like emotions sometimes they become to much I become overwhelmed and I can't handle them I can never be to sad or angry I can't ever even be to happy.
But happiness is something I have no problem getting to much of, happiness is so hard to find how does one even be ... happy?
This word is special to just like love is it's so simple easy to say yet it so big and special and important all at once. Everyone wants to be happy they try their best to achieve happiness but ... how can one achieve happiness or be happy when they don't even know what it is they have never been happy so how can I know if I am happy what is happiness what is so important about happiness why does everyone want it so much I-I don't understand I I can't understand I want to though I want to know happiness and love I want to feel the warm butterflies that people talk about fluttering around in their stomachs I want to be able to smile and laugh genuinely I, I want to understand I want to learn but everyone who has ever tried to teach me hurt me I've only ever felt sadness and anger I thought once that I was happy but it was all a lie such a big painful lie.