I hugged dad, his warm and loving arms. I have always been a daddys girl. My dad is my hero and will always be. I will miss him so much, I will miss mom so much, you know what? I will miss my brother and sisters. But I don't want to stay... I think. My arms surrounded dad and then I felt him letting go. A tear rushed down my cheek. I shouldn't cry I thought at first but then I saw his eyes started to fill with tears. He wouldn't let them out but I saw them.
Then it's okey to cry, because even my dad does some times.
I had to get moving. Dad took his shirtsleeve and wiped away my tears.
'Everything is gonna turn out great. If it's not great it's not the end, huff puff' he said. Huff puff is a stupid nickname my family have called me ever since they stopped call me cookie monster at age 5, or they called me both at one point.
I weaved my hand while I started going through the security. 'Love you' I mime to him.
Walking by all the gates one after another is so confusing. Everything is so big, so hard to find my gate. I struggle to pull out my boardingpass from my pocket full with all notes. I love writing but when I don't have my book witch I forgot in my luggage I just write on notes and I put my notes EVERYWHERE.
I successfully get the boardingpass up and it says 'gate 34, plane ASSID88, seat 23A' so I have to walk the other way.. I'm so confused and alone. Why did I do this again...?
Finally I get to the gate and I'm exactly on time for the boarding. 'Now boarding for the plane to Finland' a young woman says in the mic.
Hour after hour went and I sat on the plane to Finland. '15 minutes left' I heard someone say.
God, I'm so nervous. I don't really know why I'm doing this anymore. I'm alone and only have this one friend there and she don't even know me.. I have to live with her. I like her, I'm not saying anything else but everything right now is making me so confused and why am I actually doing this?
Stop it, I know why I'm doing this though. I'm doing this to get to know new people, to have memories that will never be forgotten. I'm doing this to get happier and try to get some time off reality, I know that's the worst thing I could do but I hate my reality.
I'm not doing it for boys. I'm not doing it for drama. I'm doing it for the memories. It's kind of like starting over but soon or later I'll have to go back to the old me, maybe I don't. Maybe I'll go back but as the new me. From now on I'm going to try to say yes to more stuff, be more spontaneous, take chances and find myself. I have a couple of months on me to do these things, it may not be long enough but I'll try to make the best of it.
Before I know it I'm in Finland. People talking this strange language I don't quite understand. I feel more lost than I did in London. My anxiety was causing my head to spin. I'm going to Hong-Kong so I need to see when that plane is boarding. 'Hong Kong - boarding 15.05' . Only one hour to kill. I sit down in my gate and put my bag next to me. While I struggle to drag up my notebook without dragging anything else but I do that exact thing. Everything falls down on the floor.
I just want to disappear. My face turns red... People stared starring at me like I was done sort of freak.
I look down at my clock. It's only 25 minutes left. My phone started vibrating and soon after the signal. I fast drag it out of my pocket and quick answer.
'HELLO MATE' someone yell in my ear. I answer quite insecure when I don't even know who it is. 'Don't you know who it is? It's me, Hanna!' She confidently say. I now understand that is my friend from Australia. Her voice what happy and it made me comfortable. 'How are you?' I ask. 'yeah, I'm fine! You?' The conversation goes slow. after only 10 minutes of talking we hang up. It was nice to talk with her a little. Her accent is so adorable! Im starting to feel better about living with her.
The time went past faster than I thought. I bough some food and then the time was in to board.
I get in the plane and in my seat, the plane is full, I was lucky enough to get a seat by a window. The man beside me takes a lot of space. Now I have to sit here 9 and a half hours. I better sleep because I haven't slept well for a while.
