Pros and Cons

Chapter 4

I walk back down the stairs feeling dirty. Feeling naughty. I make eye contact with Logan and he knew exactly what had happened. I feel horrible.

"Hey are you okay?" Logan asks me when he walks up to me.

"Yea, I'm fine." I say avoiding eye contact.

"You don't look too good, need to talk?" He asks me trying to make eye contact with me. I feel like crying.. I look up at him and he knows I need fresh air. He grabs my hand and walks with me out through the front door. We sit on the curb by the street.. It feels good to get some fresh air. "What happened?" He asks.

"I made him happy." I looked up at him. Feeling like crying.

"Like...." He stops.

"Yea.." I said ashamed. It's quiet. "I feel like a bad person."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Well, do you love him?" He asks me. I look up at him second guessing myself.

"yea.." I think I said it unsure.

"Then why do you feel like a bad person?" He asks. I feel tears start to fill my eyes.

"Carter, you need someone who will make you happy all the time and wont take advantage of you." He says. The tears start to find a way to escape. "I'm not trying to make you cry or unhappy, I hope you know that." He says as he puts his arm around me. "Carter I am here for you."

"yea thanks." I say, wiping away the tears.

"But when is the last time you guys have gone on a date?" he asks. I have to stop to think.

"When we first started dating he took me to the movies and he bought me lunch." I say.

"And when did you guys first start dating?"

"4 months ago.." I say.

"Carter...." He sighs.

"But Logan, I like him a lot."

"How do you know when you can't even have sex without feeling horrible?"

"Well, I don't... But,"

"It's okay, you deserve better." He cut me off.

"yea but.." I pull back from being warm with him.

"Have you guys ever talked about each others flaws or embarrassing moments?"

"no.."

"Does he know your favorite color? Or middle name?"

"No.."

"It's been how long? 4 months?" He asks. I nod. "And he hasnt even taken the time to know these things. I would." I look up at him.

"Um, I need a drink." I get up and go in. It was too cold to sit there any longer. I walk into loud fun music, half naked chicks and guys and drinks everywhere. I walk over to the drink table and bend my knees down to get myself another wine cooler.

"Hey you!" Dylan said when I stood back up, he had his arms around my waist.

"Hey," I try to act a little happier. Mainly trying to act happy to see him and have his arms around my waist. I throw my arms around his head, I saw Logan out the corner of my eye. Of course the only thing Dylan wants from me is a kiss, even when I'm like this. He doesn't know. So I lean into him and give him what he always wants.