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He loved Hajime.
All he wanted to do was lay in his strong arms, have him gently scratch his scalp and whisper stupid ideas into his ear when he thought Tooru was asleep.
He was okay with not getting overzised hoodies from him to wear. Hajime liked to steal his, and it was way cuter to see the grumpy male in his slightly too big clothes than he could have ever imagined.
He could also put up with the endless rants about the books Hajime had been reading.
Everytime he came into the room with one of the hardbacks and angrily slammed it onto a table, Tooru could feel himself smiling dreamily at him taking a deep breath before exploding in rage about his favourite characters dying.
It was the most love he has ever allowed himself to give, and the most loved he has ever felt.
The blood rushing through his veins suddenly made him feel actually alive.
He noticed himself gaining a little bit of the weight he had lost in his teens. His chocolate coloured hair stopped falling out, not laying in every corner of the house anymore.
He still couldn't sleep well, but that was okay, since whenever he woke up, there was a lovely guy laying next to him.
He loved him with all his heart. He was the part of Tooru's soul that had been missing this whole time.
They were connected. It was them against the rest of the world. He didn't need anyone or anything else.
All he needed was Hajime, he was his everything.
So when Tooru woke up in a hospital bed, the world around him seemed to shatter into a million pieces.
There was no Hajime. There were no strong arms arms pulling him back onto the concrete. There was no one to help him feel alive, no one to whisper all the things they loved about him. He was on his own.
Hajime wasn't real. He never was. The drugs had taken over his mind.
That night, Tooru's heart hurt, and even the doctors couldn't explained it. He would rather drown in water than his feelings.
He could still hear the river crying. It was screaming, yelling, wanting to know where he was. At least the water couldn't leave him. He wanted it back in his lungs.