(Before I begin, i'll just use codenames to protect everyone involved. This one's based on real life.)
Mr. JKP,
Yeah, i know nagtataka ka. I can't help it. Better ask Rafu-sensei, alam niya bakit ako nagkakaganito. Amp! Ang drama ni detective! Hindi ka sanay no? Ako rin eh. May nabasa akong quote, sabi bakit daw di natuturuan ang puso. Ako, alam ko kung bakit. Kasi di naman puso ang nagmamahal, yung hypothalamus, di ba? Am I being like your wife? You said we looked like, but for your information, in some ways, my attitude was like hers.
Just want to tell you something. Masyado akong naging bitter nung nalaman ko na you two exchanged vows. I tried to avoid you as much as possible pero ampness!! Lapit ka ng lapit! Di mo ba alma na napaka hirap nun? Lahat ng pwede kong gawin para maka move on ako sa'yo ginawa ko na, pero di effective. Sabi nga ng ninong ko, memories are the only reason why we can't move on. Know what? He's right.
Ikaw naman kasi eh. Noong first year ako, ang hilig kong sumama sa mga taong magaling mag gitara. Tapos noong tinuturuan ako sa may guardhouse, umepal ka. Di ka pa nakuntentong panoorin kami, talagang inagaw mo pa yung gitara tapos tumugtog ka pa habang nahuhuli kitang pasulkyap sulyap sakin. Ayos na sana kung ibang kanta eh. Pero kung ano pa yung kantang pinaka paborito ko that time, yun pa yung tinugtog at kinanta mo sa harap ko. Then, as time passed, I realized I like you. Pero alam mo kung ano yung mas masakit? Yung nangyari nung second year.
Noong bakasyon bago ako mag 2nd year, lagi kami magka chat ni Rafu-sensei. He made me realize my true feelings for you. And you know what? I realized I love you already. Well it's your fault. You paid me too much attention, more than how a school nurse should pay a student. Tapos noong pasukan, excited akong pumasok kasi makikita na ulit kita. But, noong nalaman mo kung sino ang adviser ko (yung wife mo), you used the hell out of me. Nagpatulong ka sa akin na maging close kay Ma'am Icel. Alam mo ba yung feeling na I smile at you outside but the deepest part of mine was crying in pain? I've been too vulnerable. Tapos na conclude ko, kaya ang bait mo sa'kin, it's ostentatious. Just for show. You made me fall for you, yet you don't want to catch me.
Matapos noon, sa bawat gabing ginawa ni Bro, lagi kong iniiyakan yung ginawa mo. And being the stupid piece of sh*t that I am, I did let you use me. Ampness kasi. Noong grade six ako, halos di matulog yung first honor namin sa paggawa ng mga projects ko, in hopes that I wouldlove him the way he did. Pero di ko siya pinansin. Tapos, pagdating ng first year, isang nurse lang pala ang makakasira sa poker face na ginawa ko.
I'm not blaming my heartbreak on you. It's my fault. MY DAMN FAULT why I'm suffering. I brought you your happiness while all I got was pain. Alam ni Rafu-sensei kung gaano ko ino overlook ang mga bagay. Alam ko agad kung ano makukuha ko. Pero nagtaka siya. In the first place alam ko na masasaktan lang ako pero tinuloy ko.
Wag kang mag alala, humahanap na ako ng papalit sa'yo. I know it would be hard, but I'll try my best. I wish you the best for your life.
Saying goodbye,
Liana Tanaka
