Summer Ends

one

I wake up with a smile on my face. It's summer. The bright sun peeks through the curtains in front of my window, and I don't even care. In fact, I get out of my bed and push them open.

Staring out the window, I can't help but wonder what Mike's doing right now. Or Dustin, or Lucas, or even Max and El. I wonder if they're awake. If they're as excited as I am.

It's summer.

I make my bed, get dressed, and walk into the bathroom. In the mirror I don't even look like myself. I look too.... Joyful.

After I wash my face and brush my teeth, I head into the kitchen for breakfast. Mom's talking to someone on the phone and ruffles my hair as I walk past her. Jonathan's probably still sleeping. I mean, it's only 8.

I pour myself a bowl of cereal and eat it at the kitchen table, just thinking about everything that's going to happen this summer.

We made a list.

The Party: Summer '85

1. Finish the campaign

2. Stay together

3. No new members

That's it.

I made a list of my own.

Will: Summer '85

1. Spend more time with Mom

2.Get to know Max and El

3. Do the thing

I haven't showed anyone it. I never will.

No one knows what the thing is, or that it even exists, but I promised myself I would do it. Even if it makes all my friends hate me. I have to do it.

Three hours later I'm at Starcourt. By myself.

I have to be at Mike's in half an hour; no one from The Party will be here.

I walk into Scoops, one of my favourite places on earth. Here, home, Castle Byers, and Mike's. My four favourite places.

Steve is behind the counter, spinning the scoop in his hand. He sees me and straightens up, puts on his big smile, and asks what he can get me.

"Is Robin here?" I ask, my voice quiet and a little shaky.

"Sure, buddy, you can come on in to the back." He lets me into the back room of the shop, and I see Robin sitting at the table in the middle of the room.

She looks up from a notebook and gives me a small smile. "Hey," she says.

"Hi," I reply. "Are you busy?" I'm nervous, more nervous than I think I've ever been before. It's scary. I can't imagine what I'll feel like when I finally do the thing.

"No, what's up?" She closes her notebook and kicks out a chair beside her at the table.

I walk over to it and sit down, backpack clutched to my chest. "I need... Help." My voice is so small that I don't know if she heard me.

"What's wrong?" she asks. Her eyes are sympathetic, her hair framing her face in waves. She's pretty.

I swallow, but it's hard. My stomach is tying itself into knot after knot as I look around the room to make sure no one else is here. Then I lean in closer to her, my mouth just an inch from her ear. And the words slip out of my mouth so easily it frightens me.

"I'm gay."

I didn't know they were going to be so easy to say. I never would have guessed. I always thought that when I finally admitted it, finally said it out loud, that it would be like getting stabbed over and over in the heart.