"She's so ungretaful" My aunt said referring to me not talking to my father.
My father was a piece of shit in my eyes, he had made me feel betrayed and abandoned.
He tried to manipulate me, sometimes he succeded.
He had mentally abused me for years, and I just realized not so long ago thanks to he conversations I had with my mother.
"I would have grabbed you by the hair and taken you with me forcefully for what you did" That's what he said to me when I explained why I was living with my grandparents.
No child should have those words directed at them by their own father.
"You're killing me with your choices ""How could you do this to me after all I have done for you?""I will always be waiting for when you decide to come back to me"
"I've always wished for you to marry a man and have children"
Isn't that manipulation?
"Have you been excersicing?"
"You need to go on a run"
"Are you really going to eat that?"
Those had been some of the things he said to me after I told him what I had had for breakfast or lunch.
"So now you hate me and love your mother, why is that?"
"Didn't you hate your mum?"
"You're just jealous of my girlfriend"
"I'm going to end up breaking up with my girlfriend and it is your fault"
Isn't that abuse?
I'm truly asking, I'm not sure anymore.
Days ago, I while I was looking at old photos and drawings, I realized I don't remember anyithing from my childhood (until age 14). I always knew about memories being repressed due to trauma or depression (I was diagnosed with none, my family never sent me to a therapy or counseling despite me asking, I'm so sorry if this offends anyone)
Days later I told my aunt about this and she confirmed what I thought.
I do not speak to my father, not anymore.
Everytime he asks me to acompany him somewhere, I keep the sharpest key in between my fingers.
I keep my hand over the car's door handle in case I have to get out quickly.
I am mentally prepared to injure my elbow or leg breaking a window.
He doesn't make me feel comfortable.
He doesn't make me feel safe.
I don't trust him. Not anymore
So call me a bitch, but I will never talk to my abuser again.
He is nothing to me, HE IS NOT MY FATHER.
On the other side, he always took me everywhere he went, even if I didn't want to.
He worked a lot and he almost never saw me.
He never let me starve.
Maybe I am ungrateful.
YOU ARE READING
Vent
Non-Fiction||¡¡TRIGGER WARNING!!|| - Eating Disorders -Depression - Possible mentions of self-harm - Sex - Kinks - Fucked up thoughts - Lack of empathy - Abuse - Dark Humor (about myself and my own problems and my own trauma) - Suicidal thoughts English is not...
