Exotic Dancer [MYGxPJM]

35.

toxicity perhaps

Jimin

-

I can't help but laugh when I watch Taehyung's expressions when it's Jungkook's turn to show off his skills. My soul has been crushed, and so has my heart, but I somehow still manage to grab onto Taehyung's hand and laugh. I'm a horrible person, I know this, and I know it all to well. I just can't let go of myself, of that certain version of Jimin. It's like he has his teeth sunken into my flesh and has no intention of letting me go. It's the reason why I find it so hard to say goodbye to my friends at the end of my shift, even though I'm glad they made it through. I can finally work with my friends again, which I great, and I can't wait to tell Yoongi. But when I think of his name, I remember. He's angry. I wonder if he's still here or if he decided to just drive away from me as far as possible. I want to be happy and relieved when I see his red car, but instead my heart sinks into my stomach. I don't want to fight. I just want to kiss him. Yes. Just kiss him. Just sit down next to him and grab his face. Just show him you do love him and you do want to be with him. Every one of those words is like a slap in the face. Do I want to tell him that? My shaky legs walk me closer and closer, the heels burning into my ankles. "Oh god oh god oh god.." My fingers grab a hold of the door handle and I soon enough find myself sitting down next to him. The engine starts up as soon as I close the door and Yoongi doesn't dare to look at me. 

I let the alcohol take over and grab his hair to pull him closer. My lips touch his, and I can somehow feel the hesitation that grows in him, but he pulls his head back nonetheless. "Please don't do that." I breathe out as my hand still rests against his neck. He closes his eyes when he hears my voice and bawls his fists. I frown. "Do you know what you said, Jimin? Have you considered what that means?" "I didn't mean it." He huffs when I say those words. A big huff, and even rolling eyes. "You're drunk." Those words are the last one he says before he starts driving. I take my hand from his pretty, growing hair and decide to just stare at the road until we're home. Every moment runs through my head, my sight hazy as the alcohol plays with my blood. The car stops close to where we have to live now. Yoongi opens his door, but I quickly grab a hold of his other wrist. I can't do this in there, because it'll remind me of the certain someone I'm trying to forget. The car is better, because it isn't home. It's nothing, just a small object in my huge mess of a life. "Yoongi wait." He drops back down into his seat with a sigh and now finally draws to look me in the eyes. "I love you. I seriously love you. All the-" "Listen, Jimin. I had things in mind. I had things in mind that I wanted to experience with you. Last night I had a dream where you were dancing on an empty stage, just for me. I dreamt that I was the only one. I want to experience that. I want to experience it with you, but I don't think that's going to happen." I feel a lump growing in my throat. 

Fuck you, Jimin. This is your fault. How could you ever be loved, a person like you, a person so messed up that he tells someone there isn't anyone that you could actually call the one? So foolish, you. So fucking foolish. The moment I think those words, I break and start crying, but it doesn't stop Yoongi from saying what he wants to say. "It's not going to happen with someone who doesn't sees me as 'the one'. How can I be with someone who doesn't think I'm the one? Isn't that what love is about? Being each other's all?" There's a single tear dancing down Yoongi's cheek. It falls down so quickly, my finger wants to stop it and yell at it. Please don't cry, Yoongi. Don't cry because of me. "Y- You are the one! I swear to you that I would never want to be with anybody else! You know what I just escaped! You know how hard it is for me to just-" I talk on, but a small Jimin in my mind is starting to get angry with Yoongi. How dare he do this to me? Get angry about words I said because I'm scared? He knows what happened. God, we share that day together, that day where I looked into his eyes as Junseo went crazy on me. He KNOWS, and he knows best. "How can you look at me like this while you know how much I hurt? God, I hurt most for you! You are the reason I am here now, you are the reason I said those words! because of you, I walked away from what I had always known! It's your fucking fault!" My mouth is quicker than my mind and I quickly find myself rushing after Yoongi as he angrily steps out of the car and smashes the door. I grab a hold of his arm and hold onto it tightly as he tries to walk on, not giving me one single look.