The words that you didn't feel

Goodbye letter

I have the sheet in front of me and the pen that he gave me for my birthday, I begin to write this that I have been keeping for a long time.

I know that it is late, that you may never receive this letter, but I want to tell you that it was a pleasure to share a short time with you, which for me has been a great teaching, even at night I remember your caresses and kisses before going to sleep, most beautiful words that you said to me; How to live deceived like that? How did I not realize that you did not really feel them I LOVE YOU that your brain told me but that your heart did not feel them every word reached my soul and unlike you, my heart did feel and received them with pleasure, I suppose I did not realize that they were empty and hollow words because I was blind... .. Blind with love for you, I adored you and I put you on a pedestal, but how not to do it if you promised that you would never hurt me, that you You were not like that, that you would love me with your soul, that your body and heart would be mine, that my tears would only be of happiness, you know I did not fail, I always gave you more than I could and unfortunately I tried to fall in love every day, I guess that my details, phrases and actions were not enough for you, what hurts me the most is that you, you saved me from the abyss of pain I did not want to love you, you knew very well that I had just come out of a great blow to my heart and you took advantage of that little chance to be my savior and you know that position n Or it suits you, I think day by day about the plans together we had, those nights that after making love we planned our future, the names of our children, the house with the dog, that trip to Paris, Sundays in pajamas and movies .

You know I only have one doubt, if you stopped loving me, loving me and adoring me, why did you stay here? Why did you pretend something you didn't feel? Why did you keep leaving traces on my skin? Why lie? It would have been better to leave before falling in love more every day with the words you didn't feel. Your goodbye left a big mark on my chest, I know you didn't care about the tears I shed, what hurts me is remembering your harsh words, knowing that you were bored by my attempts to make you happy, that my silly words caused you anger and that making love to me It already caused you disgust, I just don't understand it, I don't know what to feel, I don't know whether to laugh, cry, scream or run to your house where I know you are with her and tell you how disgusting you are but that I love you.

Tell me how to live without you, how to continue my life if you are everywhere, if my bed still smells like your cologne, my body still wants you, how to live without your kisses and words, how to forget what amused us both, I don't know how to let you go, how to stop feeling what I feel, you know I still have that shirt that you liked so much to wear for me the shirt that I always put on after being together.

I know I will never forget you because you were the first man in my life, the first one I said I love you, the first one I opened my heart 100%, the first one to shout his name in his ear. I just want to thank you for all the beauty we lived through, I don't hate you, I don't hate you, I'm just disappointed in you. I hope with all my heart that you are really happy and never feel what I feel now, in me you will always find a friend who will give you her support but she will simply never return in the same way that you had me ....... Goodbye....

I finish writing the letter, I read it about 5 times, I decide to burn it causing that, with it of my last sigh for him, the last heartbeat in his honor and those words that I did not feel opening way to new horizons are eliminated from my mind....