VK ~ oneshots

H E R

[mention of suicide]

Every time I saw you checking her out, my stomach clenched and I thought I'll throw up. Every time I heard you talking about how pretty she is, I covered my depression with a fake smile. Every time you flirted with her, my throat went dry. Every time I saw her touching you and you touching her, my fists tighten even harder. Every time I heard that you have a date with her, I didn't sleep the whole night, thinking about what did I do in my past life that I have to get hurt like that. Every time I heard you calling her your girlfriend, I wanted to scream..

..Every time I heard you saying "I love you" to her, I imagined it was to me a smiled a little through my tears. When I heard her saying 'yes' , I cried, screamed and hurt myself to forget you, but nothing hurts me more then seeing you kissing her, caring about her, looking at her the way you do.
The time I heard that you'll be a dad, I suffered because I couldn't give you that.

When I saw you slipping the ring on, saying 'yes I do', I ran out of the church, ready to end myself. Every time I heard her calling herself a 'Kim', the jealousy destroit me inside. When I saw you and your family, I wanted be a part of it but not the way was. Every time I saw you loving someone else that is not me, a piece of my soul died.

I, Jeon Jungkook, 45 years old,
love Kim Taehyung since 32 years, 3 month, 27 days and 4 hours, and I already can tell you how long it will last.

Its gonna be around ♾.
I am never gonna love someone else the way I love you. I don't love you, I am IN love with you. I might sound selfish but I just can't leave you, no matter how hard I try. You know why I was there so long? because of your smile. Of your happiness. I wanted to see you like that as long as I can. I have a frame in my heart with you in it, and this is why I was still there.
And what kept me alive? the flame. the flame that disappeared day by day more. And you know what the flame was?

hope.

Hope that I can kiss you, care about you, keep you in my arms all night, saying that I love you, wearing the ring you slipped on my finger, calling myself 'Kim Jungkook', adopt you kids because I know how much you love them. I know I was pathetic, but that kept me alive. But last night, when I was on your 15 years anniversary, seeing your wife, so beautiful and kind. You son, as handsome and clever as his father. And evem dog, being the luckiest pet on earth. I saw you standing there with all them, and then I understood.

There is no hope.

And with that realisation, I died.

Now, I am just a body, because I don't have my flame that kept me alive.

And I understood that I have to let you go, but the selfish person I am, I can't.
So I have to end me.

Don't cry, Taehyungie. I always will be there with you, taking care of everything. You'll just not see me, but I have to do that. My mission is already done here, so I can let go. I am happy right now, you know why? because I could experience what means to love someone. Thank you.

I am ready to leave. I don't know when you'll read that, but I am so thankful that god gave me the chance to meet you, even if I was hurt more then the half of my life.

I know we will see each other one day, when you'll become an Angel in heaven because you already are one on earth.
Then, we can talk and I can tell you how much I actually love you in the eyes.
But till then, take care of yourself. Eat well. Love your wife and your smart son and I'll wait for you here.

Good bye, Kim Taehyung

~Your Jungkook