Becoming Part of the Team

Chapter 3

With Andy's departure, Ben wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. While his relationship with Sullivan was not as tense as it had after he had confronted him about his drug use, he couldn't say that he and Sullivan were on friendly terms. As he debated whether to stay or make an excuse and head to his bunk, Sullivan spoke: "Warren, it's fine. Come on in and have a seat."

Ben, realizing that he had likely interrupted a private moment between his boss and his friend, sat down in one of the recliners and apologized, for the second time. "I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, I didn't realize anyone else was awake." The whole situation was making him uncomfortable, and he was beginning to wish he had just stayed in his bunk. He really couldn't think of anything to say to Sullivan, and Sullivan was not known for being particularly loquacious. In his mind, he began to calculate how long he should sit silently with his boss before it would be acceptable to excuse himself. Ben, lost in thought, was startled when Sullivan began to speak.

"Andy and I were just talking about what I walked in on in the beanery this morning," Sullivan started. Ben, surprised by Sullivan's comment, glanced at him quickly, trying to read his face. Was he upset? Offended? Embarrassed? Amused? Unfortunately for Ben, Sullivan's face could best be described as "impassive," and at that moment Ben decided it would be a bad idea to ever play cards with his boss. Unable to read Sullivan, Ben decided yet another apology was the best idea: "I'm sorry sir; the team didn't mean anything by it. We tease each other like that all the time..." As he trailed off, Sullivan decided to let him off the hook. "Don't worry, Ben. I'm not upset. And, just so you know, my wife said almost the exact same thing," he remarked, inwardly noting what a close bond the team had. They could argue and fight like a bunch of siblings, but the moment there was even an inkling of threat from an outsider, they closed ranks. And, therein lay the problem. He was on the outside, and his wife was trying to act as a bridge between the two worlds.

Ben looked at his chief and pondered his next move. Something seemed to be weighing heavily on Sullivan's mind, and while they were nowhere near friends, Ben thought that maybe they could resurrect the small bond they had formed before Sullivan's complex regional pain syndrome and addiction. In some ways, he and Sullivan were more similar than the rest of the team. They were close in age and sometimes seemed to be the two mature adults at the station while the rest of the A shift was swapping beds and intimate partners. Prior to the whole drug fiasco, they had actually been working well together. They had worked out together a few times, and Sullivan supported him, both for Medic One and the PRT. He had also been an empathetic listener when Ben had shared his feelings about the loss of his unborn child.

"Chief," Ben began, not knowing exactly what he wanted to say, but still wanting to support his boss if he could. "You know, I'm a pretty good listener. If there was ever anything you wanted to talk about, you know, man-to-man, I'd be happy to be a sounding board." Sullivan looked at him and seemed to consider his next move. He took a deep breath, and surprising both Ben and himself, said: "It's never really been a problem that I'm so closed off from the teams at the station, until now. The A shift's bond with each other is more than just friends and colleagues, you guys are a family, and I don't want Andy to feel like she has to choose between her husband and her team. The awkwardness this morning made me realize that by keeping myself isolated, I'm asking her to do just that. I guess I'm saying I need to find a way to be a part of the group. Pruitt managed to be your captain, Andy's dad, and a part of the team all at the same time; I should be able to figure it out too."

Ben, a bit surprised by this introspective side of Sullivan, took a minute to ponder what Sullivan had said. He had only gotten to know Pruitt well after he had stepped down as captain, but he knew that the A shift both respected him and thought of him as "one of the team." That wasn't something that had ever happened with Sullivan. "You know, Chief," Ben began. He paused for a minute to look at Sullivan, who seemed to be open to what he had to say. This emboldened Ben to continue. "It might help if you came and hung out with the team in the beanery, or joined us for a drink after work. You joined us to paint Travis's apartment that time, and it seemed to work out ok." Ben didn't mention how nervous they all were, or how awkward it was until Sullivan had loosened them all up by starting to dance as he painted.

Sullivan gave a small rueful smile. "My wife's been saying that for almost two years, and her dad said it to me even before that." This surprised Ben who noted: "Two years? You've only been with us for a little over two years." Ben's comment led Sullivan to recall the incident that had led to his brief chat with Andy over coffee. He remembered the incident as if it were yesterday. He had planned a joint training exercise for the fire department and police department that happened to fall on the 15th anniversary of his first wife's death. Ben had been off work that day, so Sullivan decided to retell the story: "You heard about what happened at the joint SPD and SFD training exercise when I first joined 19?" Ben nodded. While he had not been at the station that day, it was all anyone could talk about when he returned, especially considering there was some concern that Andy could be suspended, demoted, or even fired. Sullivan had yelled at Maya for not taking the training seriously, and Andy had stood up for Maya, yelling back at him, and telling him to leave Maya alone. Ripley had been present and had intervened, telling Sullivan to take the rest of the day off.

Ben remained quiet, hoping Sullivan would continue, which he did. "The next shift, I apologized to Andy for my overreaction and suggested we meet up for coffee to talk about how I could feel more in sync with the team. When we chatted, she told me I should come out of my office more, join the team for meals."

"With all due respect, sir," Ben started, and Sullivan inwardly cringed. In his many years in various leadership roles, a subordinate starting a sentence by saying "with all due respect" almost always meant he was about to be told something he didn't really want to hear. "If she told you that close to two years ago, why the heck are you just figuring this out now?" With that, Robert gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm stubborn and set in my ways, and there are things in my past that are painful to talk about, so I find it easier to keep myself closed off. However, I'm beginning to realize that my wife is a pretty smart woman, and things might go a little easier if I paid attention to her advice a little more often."

Ben smiled at that. While Andy's personal life had been a mess for most of the time he knew her, he had the utmost respect for her intellect and abilities as a firefighter. "You know, Chief," Ben began. "We've both married smart, determined, and stubborn women."

"Amen to that," Robert added, and both men chuckled. There were some definite similarities between Miranda Bailey and Andrea Herrera.

"Let me give you some advice from someone who's been married a lot longer than you, and has weathered a few more storms," Ben began. When Sullivan didn't stop him, he continued: "Listen to your wife. She'll usually be right, and even when she's not, it'll make your life much easier if you do what she says anyway." With that, both men broke out into a knowing laugh. Sullivan then got up and headed toward the door. "Good night, Warren," he said to Ben as he walked away. He paused for a second as he reached the door, turned, and said, "and thanks." After he left, Ben remained sitting in the recliner a little longer, formulating a plan to help Sullivan develop a closer bond with the A shift crew.