Why Is Romance So Hard?

Love is hard..

I am highly aware I haven’t lived long enough to know a thing about romance, but I am definitely sure that romance shouldn’t be so difficult. Being a teenager is already hard as it is, but when you have romance problems on top of just being a teenager then that’s a whole different story altogether. Like, having huge crushes on boys that are obviously way out of your league and then feeling your self confidence go down sucks, like it really fucking sucks. And the only reason why your self confidence would go down is because you know you have no chance at all of being with this person simply because they look way too good to settle for little old you. Knowing me, I let it bother me to the point I’m overthinking shit and listening to R&B music, and watching really cheesy romance movies to only make myself more sad. I really don’t know why I do that to myself, because it’s not healthy to over think over things that just take time to happen. Like love will come, even though I Really hate how long it takes to happen I know it’ll eventually happen. 

I just need to be patient and just let it happen, but of course as a teenager I want that romantic relationship that almost all teenagers have, when they go on dates and basically enjoy each other's presence. I have had a couple boyfriends, but they always ended shitty. For example with my recent break up, instead of just telling me he wanted to break up he had his brother get in contact with me and lie about him being dead, he then blocked me on ALL social media, and when I had one of my close friends confirm to me he wasn’t dead she told me he said he did all of this because he wanted to break up with me for the simple dumb reason I was being “clingy”. What kind of person sits there and does that to a person, especially if they have been loyal to you and haven’t done anything to hurt you in any way. This hurt me in a weird way because I was in love with him, and instead of me being sad I felt betrayed, and lied to. I didn’t shed a single tear, but I know it still hurt me and it’ll probably continue to make me feel a certain way for a long while.

Is this what I'm supposed to accept every time I fall in love with a guy, that they will treat me like this and not give two fucks how it makes me feel? For four years he played this sweet shy guy that could do no harm type personality on me, and I believed he was this sweet person until his true colors came out. I just can’t wrap my head around what I did to make him be that way to me. To top all of this off he threatened me, saying he hopes I die and a bunch of stupid shit. I honestly wished I could of catched this before it happened. Maybe if I didn’t ask him to be my boyfriend, I wouldn’t have played myself so hard.