This is Me

She is Dying

Hey there, its me, Kaida. Well, these few past days have been...eventfull. Im not exactly sure how to discribe it. theres been ups and downs. Mostly downs but... Ive been holing up. I guess my situation has gotten better though, right? C'mon, Im just  a 13 year old girl. what did I do to deserve this? This meaning my "down days". Oh, how are they bad, you ask? Heres an example of my mum and I's conversations:

"NO, YOU CAN'T GO!" 

   Yeah, well my friend is suicidal, and before she leaves me too,  I would enjoy it if I could see her. Thanks to Mr.G I can't talk to her at all at school, even at lunch. Honestly if her time wasn't running out, I would just suck it up, and deal with the fact that I can't hang out with her. But no, instead, I am not allowed whatsoever, to hang out with friends. I have Megan, but we all know she's staying right here on earth for longer than anyone else. I feel like a horrible person because I can't see my dying, rotting, decaying friend that I love to death. Honestly I have told myself over and over again to comfort her and help her through anything else because when she dies, we all know i'm going down with her.

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO BUG ME ABOUT HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS!? THERE GONNA BE THERE TOMORROW AT SCHOOL!"

   I go on every day wondering "What if she's not there? What if she's succeeded at suicide? Please God, Please be there...". She could go on up and leave at any moment. Just thinking about that is killing me, slowly. I dont want to face the facts, But it's true. I have to be a big girl and face the facts. 

SHE

IS

DYING.

I would just like to see her. Is that too much to ask? No, I don't think it is. Just think:

Imagine your best friend. You and her get everything about each other. When she's sad, you're sad. When she's happy, you're happy. And vice versa. You two can't live without each other. Until, you walk into school, nervous and worried. Then you see your small group of friends, sad, and in a corner. You notice she's not there. You start to shake, or even sweat a little You ask what happened, and all they do is stare. You get a text message from the missing friend. It reads: "Hello. This is the parents of your friend. If you're wondering where she is, this will answer your question. Your friend is no longer with us. She has undergone too much brain trauma to live after she shot herself 4 times in the head. She is taking her final breaths in the hospital as we speak. She will always be with us, let your memories give her life. The information on the funeral service will be coming shortly. Thank you, and have a nice day." You look up. Tears rolling down your face, you huddle in with the rest of your sobbing friends.

SHE

IS

DYING

This is my everyday "What if?". "What if shes gone and done it? What if she has left you?" The scariest part of my day is the bus ride to school.All these thoughts, running through my head, as I prepare for the worst. But, so far, my nightmare hasn't come true. But when it does, I am going sown with her. Do you know why? Why? Isn't that a great question to ask? I will refuse to live, knowing that

SHE

IS

DYING.

I'm not exagerating. Once, she fell sick, and I almost had a heart attack when someone told me that she was sick and won't be at school. Needless to say, she looked at me like I was talking gibberish. I was tearring up when she said that she just has the common cold.  I honestly don't know if its possible for me to live a year without her here.  I would slowly go insane and be in an ultimate state of depression. All because

SHE

 
IS

DEAD

And then, WHAM! All of a sudden I'm on the floor, spinning in and out of a daze. You look up, and there is your sister. 

"Shut up, you whiny piece of shit!"

"I - I, I didn't say..."  

"You wanted to."

"B-But I didnt!"

"The thought that counts" she walked off.

So much for that... i thought to myself. I walked off as I rubbed my head, right where she had hit me. I figured I would be out of harms way if I stayed in my room, so I went there. But, I decided to sneak out...