Everything went black, it felt relieving but scary.
I woke up the next morning feeling alone, I was blinded by bright lights and muffled beeps coming from a machine next to my bed. I could hear hushed voices, turning to my right I realised I wasn't alone my family was hovering over me smiling, sadly "what am I doing here?" I said, strained, succumbing to the fact that I was in a hospital bed. "Don't worry sweetie, everything is going to be okay." My dad said in a soothing voice, my mum kissed me on the cheek with her thin lips, a salty tear falling on my chin was wiped away by my sisters hair when she hugged me, surprisingly, she was almost crying. They had showered me with hugs and then left the room, I was so confused, what was I doing here? Why couldn't I remember anything after dinner? An hour later my mum came in with a tray that had white roses hanging over some toast with jam and butter and a fruit cup. "why am I in here mom?" I asked her, she pursed her lips and began in a smooth, creamy voice "last night when I came to say goodnight-" tears filled her eyes and she sniffed "I came to see you and I found you past out-" sniff "I found you, unconscious, and we called an ambulance, and they brought you here-" snuffle "we came here and they told us you over-dosed-" sobs "they had your stomach pumped" loud sobs. My eyes were brimming with tears and beads of sadness went rolling down my face. It all came flooding back to me I took almost a whole bottle of pills, on purpose, it was a suicide attempt. "Was this- did you intentionally do this Valerie?" My mom said in between nose blows, I didn't want to lie, so I nodded. My moms cries would have been heard from the maternity ward, I wanted to curl up into her arms like I was five years old again, before all this pain and suffering. I don't know what caused my depression, I couldn't call it depression, I couldn't label it, it was like you always had a constant lump in your throat, like you could drown yourself in tears at any moment, but every moment was like drowning in tears anyway, even when you weren't crying. I ignored my mothers sadness and sent her to get me some water, I was so utterly cruel to her, always ordering her around, taking advantage of her concern for me. She would take a million bullets for me and I won't even wash the dishes for her. My sister, Violet came to help me pack up and gave me some clothes to change into we joked around and watched the breakfast club until it was time to go it was a long, quiet car ride back home, no more than three words were mumbled.
I went straight to my room and found a small circle of four capsules on my bed I had, taken twenty-seven pain killers last night and twelve appetite suppressants. I just sat there with my music playing through one headphone in one ear. I never cut, I never had an eating disorder, I never stopped going to school and I never covered my eyes with black eyeliner. No one but Violet, mom and dad new about my feelings, my personal, intimate feelings, so I didn't have to worry about my friends at school being concerned, but when my parents made me stay home on Monday, I was afraid that they would be.
