Disturbed Mind (Sequel to AYRT?)

Chapter 6

The ride back to my house was silent and when I finaly got home I said a quiet "goodbye" to Kellin and hurried out the car. I just wanted to be alone. I opend the door and ran up stairs ignoring the funny looks my dads gave me. As soon as I got to my room I layed in my bed and broke down in a fit of silent sobs. Until I heard a knock on my door.

"Vic?" My dad Frank asked as I heard him step in and close the door. "Vic, you okay bud?"

"Leave me alone please." I demanded with a sniff. I felt my matress shift so I turned around and saw my dad sitting down.

"Talk to me kiddo what's wrong? Did you and Kellin get in a fight?" He looked worried.

"No but please just leave I don't want to-to- Fuck-" I couldn't stop the tears the flowed from my eyes. Frank pulled me up to him and into a hug. He didn't say anything, he  just sat there and hugged me as I cried into his shoulder. After a while I finally calmed down and he pulled away.

"Now, tell me whats wrong." He said sweetly. "Please." He added.

"It was just a bad day. Please drop it." And he did he just let me lay in my room and shut the door when he left.

I decited to take off my jacket and when I pulled out my arms I saw the bloody wrap that was hanging loosely around my wrist. I care fully unwrapped it and just stared at my arm. All my deep scars covered my arm to the point where I couldn't see my skin, just white short lines surrounding two longer ones that went up and down. Those where the ones I did when Mike found me.

Tears sprung in my eyes when I looked at the newly scabed cut from this morning when Kellin popped in to my head. I can still see the look of disappointment when I told him what Ronnie meant. He didn't believe me he thinks I cut again, but I didn't. God I hate this, I hate people not believing me, I hate them looking at me like I'm some sort of fu.cking freak for being in love with a BOY, and most importantly I hate being the reason my parents are dead. One after the other tears started to fall out of my eyes but I made no move in wiping them because I felt there was no point in trying to control something you can't control, but I can control what I feel like doing. I don't want to do it. I want to get better, but it's hard, it's an addiction and just like any other prosses of becoming sober you have to go through the withdraw period. I felt a little more relaxed after laying down and taking a few deep breaths. I saw my door open and in popped Bandit.

"Bicky are you okay?" She asked standing in the door way with her blanky and doll.

"Bandit I think you should leave Bicky alone right now." I saw Gerard next to her trying to push her from the door but she didn't move. I didn't want to be alone right now.

"No it's fine she come in." I said before he could pick her up.

"Are you sure?" He asked looking conserned and I just nodded. I think Bandit will help me right now. I was still laying down but I turned to face the door and opened my arm's for her to come. "If she becomes to much just send her out or call me." I nodded and he shut the door as she climbed in my arms.

"Lets take a nap." I said and closed me eyes. She stared humming and suddenly stopped and started poking me.

"Bicky? What happened?" She asked as she rubbed my arm. My eyes shot open scared that she sees my scars. "Did bad thinks make you do that?" I looked at her and she was still rubbing my arms.

"Why do you ask that crash?"

"Because Mikey said that bad thinks made you do bad things and you had to go away." She said looking back at me. "Are you still thinking bad thinks?"

I looked at her and she looked back at my arm just tracing my scars. What is she thinking? She's just 4, she doesn't understand. Yet she seemed to understand what Mike said to her.

"Bicky?"

"Yes mija?" I asked as I pulled my self back to earth feeling tears form in my eye.

"Are you still thinking bad thinks?" I nodded and let a few tears slip my eyes and quickly wiped them away. I felt her shift in my arm so now she was facing me. She grabbed my head beween her little hands and started to shake it. "Go away bad thinks, leave Bicky alone. I don't want him to go away again." What is this she doing? I just smiled and giggled and after a few shakes she let go. "Are they gone?"

"Yes, thank you." I smiled and hugged her tight. "Nap time?" I asked her and she nodded.

"Nap time with Bicky." She smiled and got comfy and we went to sleep.