broken|woosan

the beginning

the house is dark except for the light coming from the tv in his living room. there is no one in the house with him which doesn't give him the childlike joy he once used to feel, it just means that he is getting high in the living room instead of getting high in his own room. the tv flashes neon pink and green lights but wooyoung knows it is probably the weed but it could also be the reality, wooyoung does not know and he is nowhere interested in knowing.

sometimes, wooyoung gets so high that he forgets his own name and to him, that feeling is almost ecstatic. he knows he is not supposed to say this but drugs make him feel so good, so good that he might never stop doing them until the day he dies which to be honest could be tomorrow, a week later or fifty years later, it all depends on how much his body could tolerate.

there is nothing in the world that he likes to do and feels happy doing. he has not had any motivation in his life to do anything except that one time he wanted to raise a cat but his dad didn't allow him so there was that.

all his life, wooyoung has felt as if he were a heavy weight on himself- like his body didn't want his brain and his brain didn't want his body but his heart gave out to drugs. sure, he knows drugs are bad. in fact, if there is someone who should hate drugs, it should be him but he doesn't or maybe he does because you do things that you hate not because you want to but because somehow you have to.

but drugs make him feel like he is in a fast-moving glass elevator which is going up and up and up and up and it never goes down. the feeling is real and its euphoric but it's still not something you would want to trade reality with. except, wooyoung doesn't really have anything on the line even though sometimes he acts like he does. like anyone would ever give a shit about him.

wooyoung stands up and goes up to his room and this time like many other times he pretends to be someone else in a non-shitty place with someone who is not shitty.

sleep comes fast.

he has two or three dreams but he doesn't remember a single one in the morning.