Marks of the Soul | Vmin

7- Jimin

"Ok, Park, what is going on?" Taehyung stepped inside the kitchen, burning coffees in each hand.

"What are you talking about?" I took a bite of buttered toast.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He slid my caramel macchiato over the island. "For like 2 weeks I've been going to get our coffees every morning because you've been refusing to go and every time Yoongi asks me if you're ok. Did you two fight or something? Do I need to kick him in the nuts?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, Tae, everything's f—"

An aggressive knock on the front door cut my sentence short.

With an expression as wary as mine, Taehyung carefully moved to look through the peephole. "Oh, it's just Yoongi!"

"Wait!" I rushed to my feet, but he had already opened the door.

"Is Jimin home?" Yoongi asked, anger boiling underneath his quiet and low tone. He sighed in annoyance when Taehyung's mind blanked, raising his voice so I would hear. "Jimin, can we please talk?"

Taehyung's doubtful eyes sought for my response as he arched his eyebrow in question. My lips had to bite themselves to restrain a cowardly refusal, and instead, my head mustered the courage to nod. Regret hit the instant our eyes locked and fear tensed my muscles.

"Um, I'm going to give you two some privacy." Taehyung awkwardly muttered, squeezing my arm in reassurance on the way to his bedroom.

Now alone, everything became too much in the heightened quiet. The butter from the toast was too greasy and salty on my dry lips. The smell from the coffee was too strong and bitter for my reddened nose, its hot vapor sweating my skin. The floor was a safe refuge for my eyes from his piercing glare, but torture for my ears struck again and again by his impatient and irritated tapping.

"Did I do something wrong?" Yoongi tore through the silence, the same controlled anger in his tone as earlier. "Did I? Because I can't seem to figure out what went wrong that night. Was it the kiss? Was it asking you to sleep over? Was it sharing a bed?" He paused. "Is it because I don't believe in soulmates?"

I shook my head. "No, Yoongi, it's not you—"

He scoffed. "I really hope you're not actually trying to hit me with the 'it's not you, it's me' bullsh*t right now, Jimin. If you didn't have feelings for me, you should have just said so! But I can't seem to understand how you could just leave in the middle of the night without saying a word and then ignore me for weeks after everything I told you I went through!"

Behind my teary-eyed lenses, he was but a blur. "Yoongi, I didn't mean—"

"It took me a long time, Jimin! A really long f*ckin' time to open up to anyone after her. But I did with you. And you treated me the exact same."

"Yoongi, I'm sor—"

"What do you want, Jimin?"

I was taken aback. "W-what?"

"What do you want?" He flung his arms in exasperation. "What do you want from me? What do you want from us? What do you want?"

I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself. "I don't- I don't—"

"F*ck, Jimin, what do you want?"

"I don't know!" I shouted with the last bit of strength I had, tears rolling down my face. "I don't know..."

Yoongi's laugh was dry as he nodded in disdained understanding, smacking his teeth. "Keep avoiding me until you've figured it out." He walked away, turning to me with his hand on the door handle. "At least she left a f*ckin' note."

The door slammed behind him, knocking me off balance with the harsh sound. I didn't know when he had gotten there but Taehyung's arms were around me; a steady frame holding me up from behind, tight against his chest, now that my weak legs could no longer.

He nuzzled his nose in the crook of my neck without a word, but I understood every unspoken one. I'm here, I've got you.

So I wept.

Burning tears salting my tongue, runny nose sticking to my lips, loud wails making my body quake. I buried my face in Taehyung's embrace, gripping his shirt like a lifeline, and he comforted me. Lips on my forehead, fingers through my hair.

I didn't remember moving to his bed, but even there we lay with his arms around me like a safety net as I nestled against his warmth, the way we always did when one of us couldn't sleep.

"What's wrong with me, Tae?" I croaked out.

He twirled my hair with his fingers as I listened to his unspoken words. There's nothing wrong with you.

"Why can't I like him? Why can't I feel something as mundane as a crush?" I looked up at him. "Why can't I love, Tae?"

Staring deep into my eyes, he wiped away a slipped tear then set his hand between our chests, between our hearts. You love me. You love your parents. You love to dance. You do love, Jimin.

My eyes strayed away. "The scary thing is... I don't even want to. Not really. I don't want to love anyone in that way." I caught sight of the dreamcatcher on his window. "I just want a soulmate."

For a second, his breathing halted, and he clutched our hands together. You have a soulmate.

I ran my free hand over the beauty mark on his cheek, then the one on his nose, and on his lips. "Why can't you be my soulmate, Tae?"

He searched my eyes for a spark with a glimmer of hope in his. Then it dimmed away. With a disheartened smile, he pecked my forehead and cradled me further.

I didn't hear those unspoken words.