She

Who She Is

She is just a regular girl. Not entirely true, actually. She is just a regular girl with some... Issues. Nothing too serious, though, or at least so she thought. "Everyone has thoughts like these, sometimes," she reasoned. "Even my friends say that." So she went on in her little world, stopping only to pity her pathetically unintelligent friends. Not all of them were that way-it just seemed that all the smart ones avoided her. It wasn't intentional, of course, she just didn't feel comfortable pushing her way into their tightly knit circle.

The unintelligent ones, the ones more likely to talk to her, fascinated her. How could a single person, let alone a whole group, be so helplessly misguided? She often chuckled at the thought. It wasn't fair, she knew and was frequently reminded, that she be so harsh in her thinking about them. But she couldn't help the way she was, and it just so happened she was rather mean.

Now, she was certainly at least a decent specimen, but she could be found staring into the mirror and correcting the invisible errors frequently. This is where most of her problems started, before they got worse. Way worse.

***

She finished applying her makeup. Though not particularly fond of the stuff, she was known to wear it on occasion. As she gazed in to the mirror to examine her work, she began posing as if she were a model. The girl was extremely odd in that regard -- she would go one minute posing as if on a runway and the next trying to hide the flaws that no one could possibly have noticed except her.

As she finished applying a second layer of mascara to her left eye (because for some reason that one never seemed as full as the right, no matter how many layers she applied), a knock could be heard from the door. Her mother, most likely, trying to hurry her out of the door so she wouldn't miss the bus for school. A noble pursuit, though it didn't help her stress levels. One last check and...

"Hurry up! You're gonna miss the bus! I'm leaving without you, have fun running to the stop!" Ugh. It was her little brother shouting from just outside her door, which was now ajar. When her parents had bought the house, they knew it would be a big DIY project. What she didn't realize was that "fixing the doors so they can shut properly" was among the last things they would do.

She rolled her eyes, frustrated at her morning. Stuff like that was the exact reason she had these problems in the first place. Well, that's a lie. Her parents contributed most of it, some in her childhood and most in recent years. It wasn't a fun time. Not fun at all.

She looked at the time on her phone, realizing just how late it was. Quickly, the girl slung her backpack over her shoulder and grabbed a jacket that she'd put on when she was safely at the bus stop. Her blonde hair would have been trailing and flowing behind her, if not for the fact that she cut it down to pixie lengths. It worked for her, though it didn't change her opinion of herself at all.

Freezing outside. Again. Really, was it even a question anymore? Tears formed in her blue eyes and her pale cheeks reddened both from the running and the cold. One of the two girls at her stop complimented her appearance. She only nodded.

The horrible thoughts flooded into her mind again. The ones where she was dying, watching the blood flow from her body as her skin grew cold and pale. The ones where she was drowning, a sharp pain stinging her chest. The ones where she was freed. Freed from the horrible hell of her mind. The tears grew larger in her eyes.

The thoughts where she was happy -- the ones that hurt the most. She couldn't remember the last time she was happy, only the times she was numb. Her friends -- the smart ones, not the others -- had hardly even begun to realize just how bad it was.

The tears escaped from the oceans in her irises.

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Author's Note
I don't know if I intend to leave this as a one-off piece or if I'll revisit it if I manage to somehow find some time. I guess depending on the response I get I might consider furthering it, though I don't have a story arc in mind right now. Anyway, I haven't written anything in a long time, so have fun with this I guess.