Fight to Breathe

Chapter 1

I couldn't believe my eyes. My heart was pounding and I covered my mouth with a trembling hand. I got into a good college. I got into a college! My mind was numb with excitement. I had been waiting my whole life to go to college. Now, don't shrug me off just yet. I'm perfectly aware of how that sounds. Let me explain. I am just an average student, passing classes and disappointing my parents on a regular basis. I'm not a bad kid, I just have a lot of personality (and sarcasm) to go around. My dad made me apply to Ivy League schools in the top tier and honestly I don't know what was in his oatmeal he ate every morning that he thought I was going to get into those. Me? I was just hoping to get into any college that I applied to. Anyways, back to why I'm waiting to go to college. Like I said, I'm not a stellar student or anything but I have a pretty big secret. My parents are emotionally abusive. That being said, if you're hoping for a happy ending like me, then you might want to stop reading right here. I'll give you a few seconds to think it over. Still here? Great! Welcome to the crap show that is my life. You're probably thinking something along the lines of "oh my gosh emotionally abusive? That's a thing? Then why are you so cheery?". I hope you're asking yourself those questions but it's more likely that you're wondering what's for dinner because I am too. Slight hiccup on the dinner thing because my lovely parents have decided to neglect me food today as usual. It's pretty simple in their house: you get good grades, do your chores, do everything they say and you get food. You heard me right. You miss one thing on their list and boom, no dinner for you and you get yelled at with colourful language in multiple languages!

My parents and I do not get along. I tried to run away when I was two but they hunted me down and brought me back. Ever since then, I've been running away in my mind. I'm here to tell you that emotional abuse is very real. They started out in the physical realm of things, beatings with anything they could find, pinching and twisting, hair grabbing. I always thought this is just how it was because they called it discipline. From a very young age they drilled into my skull that no one would be here for me in the "real world" and that I should be lucky that I was born to them. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that even now I struggle with seeing that they're abusive. I've been listening to their self-promoting propaganda for about 15 years now and it warps your entire perception of the world. It messes with the way you think about yourself and the world around you and I knew college was my one chance to get away from them. I ran downstairs with the acceptance email and told them that I accepted to attend University of Iowa in the fall. They were less than thrilled and were passing remarks about whether I somehow cheated or bribed the university to get in. I didn't do anything of the sort. All I did was tell my story; about my severe depression and anxiety, getting bullied, and how the only friend I ever had was loneliness and how despite all of that, I was still fighting.