"Of course I'll give you credit. Please?" Skip wanted me to help with records on "The Gold Experience" just before its official release. He already released "Come" as his last album for Warner Bros. last year. I still considered carrying out the idea.
"Fine. I'll think of a few things. Just give me time." I smiled, we said goodbye and then went back to work. Momma would have to watch the girls this time around since I needed to hustle. Skip never believed in time unless there were schedules.
For the first time in years, I felt like my old self again.
When The Gold Experience finally hit shelves, I gained credits on three different records: "Billy Jack Bitch," "P. Control," and "Shh." Even Mayte kept herself quiet for once. After listening to the music, she finally realized that I was still brilliant.
Nik,
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you for making another dream of mine come true, Baby. Words cannot express the joy I felt working with you again.
During those sessions, I saw the girl of my dreams, my wife, and my best friend again. No sadness. No anger. Just pure talent, happiness, and dedication.
Please remember how amazing you are, no matter what.
All of my love,
-Your Husband
____
Later, I found out that Janet invited me to the MTV Video Music Awards. I wanted to decline her invitation based on my excuse of still raising my daughters. Instead, she caught my bluff so to speak when we realized who would be in attendance, too.
Michael.
"You can't avoid him forever, Nik." Janet warned about Michael hours before the awards show. I called Momma to watch the girls as usual. It was good to leave the house again, even if folks snapped pictures all night. I was still used to that chaos.
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Janet and I arrived in separate limousines that night, but I recognized Michael immediately. He stood on the red carpet with surrounding bodyguards as expected. Despite the evening air, sunglasses covered his famous brown eyes.
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For whatever reason, Lisa Marie posed all alone too, but I kept quiet about the observation. As Janet posed with various celebrities and showed her now iconic crop-top, I modestly waved towards cameras as well, trying to remember the past.
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In the past, I would've hammed up every moment, teasing the paparazzi with sly comments or just strutting just for fun. Tonight, I kept myself calm, trying not to act crazy. As I've said, my daughters still needed a role model. I just knew better.
"What's wrong?" Janet asked me from some angle. I didn't know what to think until we noticed each other. She even reached to hold my hand for a moment. It was as if she realized my timid behavior. It was so unlike me, but times were different.
"I can't wild out. Your nieces need a stable mother." I referred to the fact that Janet was still an "honorary aunt." My daughters loved her. I'd played her music during my pregnancy and pictures of her with my babies were still on the family wall.
"You still want to set an example, but tonight isn't about motherhood. Enjoy yourself. Pun intended." Janet winked. I rolled my eyes, but laughed. Her joke referred to this Jackson record from the '70s. Mike sang lead on "Enjoy Yourself."
"Shut up." I nudged Janet. Back when that record first came out, I wanted to slap whoever put down the bassline. The melody was simple, yet brilliant. Looking back, I've noticed that critics never gave credit to the Jackson brothers as musicians.
For once, I finally loosened up. Janet nearly bowed when she noticed that my sleeveless blouse pledged allegiance to "NPG." Those three golden letters ran across the center. Dark capris clothed my legs as I walked in open-toe heels.
As I swung large earrings, my curls were still around, but daring black makeup hadn't returned for good just yet. My twins still needed to recognize me in future images. Yet, there were still cosmetics on my face. I'd never go out in public bare.
When we both reached the door to go inside, Janet and I were laughing out loud again. Life seemed normal, no matter the differences now.
_____
"Oh my God!" I cheered like the biggest fan on Earth after watching Michael's performance. At one point during "You Are Not Alone," he pointed me out from the stage and we honestly traded smiles as he just grinned behind that microphone.
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Still on "Cloud Nine," I hugged Janet to say goodbye when the show finally ended. It was far too late at night for more partying and I needed to see my daughters again. Janet understood and left me alone, we returned to reality all over again.
Once I came back home, Momma was still up, waiting in the living room. My mind jumbled with questions until we sat down together on the couch. She reached out for my hand. My heart jumped more and more. There was definitely bad news.
"Hey, how was the show?" Momma offered small talk and held my hand instead of dropping bombs tonight. I appreciated her ease. At least I could smile towards her rather than just frown or cry this evening. She knew better, even after many years.
"Great, Michael was amazing." I said, hoping she taped the show or something. It was close to bedtime for the girls when the ceremony began. I'd always think like a mother, even during this unrelated talk with my own Momma. She'd understand.
"That's wonderful. Now, not to change the subject so quickly, but I have some news." My mother switched out of nowhere, but I knew that this moment would come along eventually. She would never act this quietly otherwise. I prepared.
"What happened, Momma?" I questioned gently. Silence fell between us.
