You Don't Own Me

Chapter 7: Domestic Violence and When I Met My Abusive Baby Daddy

I'm going to be honest the fact that I have gotten this far into my story is hard. I'm baring my soul all of it so I can show women to be brave and tell there story. With Covid 2019 going on domestic violence cases have worsened terribly and the statistics of phone calls to police have risen highly. The county I grew up in is Marin county, California. The number one violent crime in Marin County, is domestic violence. The saddest part is 60% people don't call the police even when they witness domestic violence and most of the time victims are to afraid to call the police because they don't feel safe or believed or don't have enough documentation/evidence, most of the time almost more then half of cases of domestic violence don't even make it to court or to even to the office of the DA. Also if u have children with an abuser please leave with ur child I'm telling u this because I did this and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my daughter. Getting into the relationship now, I will call him J, I'd like his name to be anonymous. When I first met J, I was in awe with him, he was charming, hard to get but fun to chase we just hit it off so well. There was some deep connection I felt to him. Like I could never let him go. Here's the thing with narcissistic abusers They Seem Perfect AT FIRST!! I mean I couldn't understand why I had fallen so hard for this guy in just a few days. Why can't I leave his house, I ended up moving in with him a week in, cutting off my family because that's what he wanted a month in, cutting off friends because he made me believe they were hurting me and saying I couldn't text other friends 2 months in. Research shows on healthline.com "that It's no wonder you fell for them. During the love-bombing phase, they seemed loving, kind, and generous. They made you feel special and adored with gushy compliments, affectionate displays, and expensive gifts." After they make u feel safe and so good and have u hooked then comes the smear campaign. It's apart of any abusers motive. People with narcissistic traits often need to maintain their image of perfection in order to keep earning admiration from others. To do this, they may try making you look bad. Before you met them u were so happy and alive and now it's 3 months later and u don't even have control of your own life. That's how drastic it gets and that's just the first two stages. Since I couldn't back to my parents house because I moved in with my now ex boyfriend/baby daddy and they had kicked me out for that, the abuse started to worsen from isolation and verbal abuse to physical violence. We're sitting on the bed one day and he starts to take a piece of clothing accuse me of something I answer honestly and then screams ur lying and beats me across the face. He would do it multiple times and used the manipulation by having no where to go, this would go on for hours. And I would hide behind the door after he was done either In the bathroom and crawl in a ball an cry. Would see my marks on my face in the mirror I was shut down at that point. I had already cut off away from all my support system. One day he pushed me down on the floor this time I don't even know what made him start doing this so I was terrified at this point. He had also been taking boxing classes and his hits were getting scarier and worse much more controlled and easier to make someone hurt more. I think he saw it as power over me. He then after pushing me on the floor punched me almost 3 times in the rib each time with a pause which was scarier. I started to sob crawling away please stop I can't fight back wincing in pain from my ribs. I ran to the bathroom fast locked the door. He comes to the door and knocks calmly oh stop overreacting. I then angrily open the door and show him the giant bruises on my ribs blue and purple and I said do u see this!?!? He looks at it and says where I don't see anything like he was blind to what he did. At that point I realized he truly can't control this violent side of him. At this point the abuse stops because I end up pregnant 5 months into the relationship. I was happy definitely I wanted the baby even though this situation was dire but I felt she was my way out. She's all I had left to fight for something within myself. J's abuse stopped for 2 weeks and then his abusive side started to come back. One day he steals a computer from his neighbors house and gets caught. He's in so much in an angry and scared state he attacks my neck against the wall I had been pregnant for almost a month he then strangled me for almost over 5 seconds. I then collapsed and fell down to the floor trying to breathe after he let go. That same day he gets arrested because the neighbor calls the police on him for theft and filed a restraining order against him. As soon as he went to jail I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was time to escape. He lived with his mother at the time and she had witnessed all of the abuse and she even told me better pack quick and run before it's to late. I called a domestic violence shelter, which will remain anonymous for new victims safety. Once I told them everything that happened they said I'm so glad you called us strangulation is a very red flag and extremely dangerous they told me Of the victims, 97 percent are strangled by hands; 38 percent reported losing consciousness; 35 percent are strangled during sexual assault/abuse; 9 percent are also pregnant, and 70 percent of strangled women believed they were going to die. I was terrified. They let me stay with them it would only be 30 days but it was a way out. So I was taking my bags and leaving with my baby girl I my belly. Had no idea what I was going to do. My mom wanted me to get an abortion and ask 100's of times, my dad was semi acceptive. The only one that was happy was my grandmother. So I went with what I wanted I am keeping her and no one can tell me otherwise. Will it be hard yes but I knew my little girl was a blessing waiting to blossom.