cw: lowercase intended
i am inside my room, peeking on the window frame, watching you conversing with your friends. a smile crept onto my lips, satisfied to witness your jollyness emitting from your smile and laughter.
you are always like that. always so joyful and passionate. you do not fail to make everyone smile around you. you served as a luminous light amidst a dark cave.
and that is also the reason why i fell into you. why my heart constantly beat so abnormally that i couldn't control it anymore. your aura always gave me strength to move forward; and to socialize with other people.
if i may have a chance, i would like to run into you—to express my feelings to you—to show you how important you are to me. however, when i looked down, i witnessed the reason why i can not do those desires i have.
thick chains are coiling around my feet, inhibiting any actions i would commit. chains that already wounded my skin—my feet. chains that prevented me from doing almost everything i want to do in my life. at the end of the chain, i saw a person. a person who was holding the chain so tightly—so determined to prevent me from running wild.
tears trickled down my face as i realized the person preventing me from doing all my desires. it was me—myself. i stared at her face. there were a pair of dark circles underneath her eyes. Her dark hair was disheveled as if someone tried to abuse her physically. i concentrated my gaze at her eyes, and all i could see was tiredness—tired of being not enough; tired of doing everything; tired of pleasing everyone; tired of meeting the expectations of people around her.
yes, i am aware of what prevents me from doing my desires. it was my insecurities. the one and only massive boulder that has been blocking my way—blocking the things that i want to do in my life.
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