The secrets of magic

Oh I'm sorry I'm gayer than 20 drag queens

I ordered another cosmopolitan and downed it. This Water Elemental just went on and on.
"So that's why my mother is incarcerated haha." He rambled. "Umm I'm gay," I blurted out "Gayer than twenty drag queens."
His reply?
" Don't worry, I can turn you baby. " Uhh his ego. One of the many things I could've killed him for. Imagine if I told him I'm trans and this was an altered version of me, due to my ability to use the elements to permanently change my appearance. Oh, utter carnage. By this point, the bartender was living for the conversation. This dude was a grade A dick ( the guy I mean
not the bartender). So I punched unconcious, paid my tab and left. Great Saturday night.

I turned the key to my apartment and I opened the door. Inside was filled with gas, which, when I inhaled, knocked me out. Do you think that means something? I mean it's where the whole adventure starts. A mix of pot fumes and general anaesthesia. Who'd thought it.

I woke up in a cell, in chains, on the floor.
"You're a liar." Said a voice. Great a guessing game. I sprawled myself on the floor and pretend to take a nap.
" Fucking moron, " the voice grumbled " Hey, we want STOP a war between the Kingdoms, and you're the one to do it. " Oh shit, I'm screwed. Well, actually I wished I was being screwed right now. I was doomed.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! How did you find out?" I moaned.
"You know?" the voice, replied confused. I think it was a woman.
"Not everyone, has the power of all five clans and doesn't read into it, " I commented sarcastically. "I didn't last this long completely clueless. Now, name."
" Call me Commander. "She said.
" Ok Barbara, get me out of the shackles and we'll be good to go. "
" Barbara, really. " She wrinkled her nose.
"It'll grow on you." I promised.

After a shower, I changed and has some food, before Barbara led me down a corridor to mission control. It was really quite amazing actually. I jumped up and down. I was high on excitement, or mabye the paint fumes still? Who knows! She led me to a boardroom above the entrance. Where all eyes were in me. But the faces I recognised most were the clans princes. Wait.
WHAT. I mean that a twist or what.
"Oh look the man whores and ho who ruined my childhood." I said viciously . These pricks and their parents are ducking genocidal.

"Don't tell me..." Prince London of the Earth Kingdom started. He looked to Princess Roma of the Air Kingdom for help, but she was useless.
Prince Paris of the Water kingdom just glowered, while Prince Vienn of the Fire Kingdom stood up and uttered.
"Whoever you are, Get out now!" Oh, like I was scared.
" Oh no, kind sir forgive me, for I am a but a simple maid, let me show you my perky tits, " I replied in a deadpan voice. " I can't believe you're such an idiot, you don't remember! " This threw him over the edge. He roared, as he started to send violent games my way. I sent forth an air attack and watched him struggle for breath. I said three words,as his widened with realization.
"Its Asteria..... BITCH!"