Polnareff x reader (joke)

🗿Sherry 🛩

The last chapter was a fine example of my writing differences between 2am and 3pm. I just don't got the extreme random funnies when I'm not dead from sleep deprivation 🤷🏻‍♀️
I'll try to make this one funny
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"911, are you dying?" A girls voice is projected into your earholes.

"I- not me-"

"Ok"
"Alright"

They're here.

"Oh Jesus..." you hear one of them say as they covered their mouth with a limp hand. It's not theirs. Where'd they get the hand?🤔

Clearly they weren't trained for this type of shit to go down.

You and Polnareff jump down from the roof, trying not to mess up any of the evidence.

Did this count as manslaughter?
Pshhht nawwww....

You look at polnareff.

He looks at you.

You look at him.

He looks in your general direction.

You look at his feet.

He looks at your eyeballs.

You look at his eyeballs.

You both instantaneously make out very aggressively for 1 second.

You stop that cause a cop looks at you weird.

Your anxiety kicks in.

Polnareff notices this.

He does nothing cause he doesn't have anxiety and he doesn't know how to make it stop.

This sucks.

You both stop.

"Y/n...."he whispers. You're both standing by your house, watching the police do their jobs.

"What do- do you think Avdol is dead?"

"I really thought you were gonna be sappy and ask 'what's gonna happen to us now??' And I'd reply 'ohh nothing bby we're fine as we're together' and then we'd hug it out... but uh-
Yeah... no he's definitely dead bud."

"*sad* also did you just turn Canadian for a second?"

"Ok. 1. Did you just say 'Asterix sad asterix'? And 2. It's not my fault that I turned Canadian. It's the authour's natural lingo."

"Who-?? Ack whatever. As long as we are ok I'm fine.
Even if we go to jail.
And die.
In jail.
Cause we shot my ex with a firework.
And I brutally swung his chicken to death..."

"Yes, precisely."

This is going awfully slow.

A police woman makes her way over.
"Looks like we'll have to investigate this a little more. This is a lot to unpack. You'll make it through this..." she leans in a little, "to be honest... when I was little I did the same thing... I wasn't charged with attempted manslaughter or anything... maybe that was cause I was like 8 and was left home alone because mY PARENTS FUCKING SUCK- but whatever- I'm sure you two will be fine."

She gives you a thumbs up and winks at Polnareff, "you've got yourself a good one sir. Make sure you keep 'em otherwise I might just have to snatch them up! Ha! Ha!"

She strolls away.

"...you wanna know something y/n? I think she's my sister."

You let out a good cackle.

"No I'm serious," he giggles and then his face goes back to being serious, "she left home when she was young, when I was young, and I never really got to know her..."

You grab his rock-hard shoulders and shuffle him over to the police woman. Forcing him with excellent skill, you make him ask if he's her brother.

Turns out that Jean was correct.

What a small world we live in.

-timeskip brought to you by my non-existent Halloween costume-

Sherry, the policewoman, sets down her cup of tea and giggles. You were all sitting in your living room, having a good time. It was super late, plus you and Pol had school tomorrow.

Sherry must be exhausted... you think. She did just work a whole day and now found her younger brother after however many years.

"Well, I must take my leave my friends," she says, placing her cup on the coffee table and standing up, "I'm glad I got to see you again Jean-Pierre... are you two living with each other?"

"No, why? We're in high school still. أنت أوزة سخيفة"
(That means 'you silly goose' in Arabic, according to google translate)

"Oh... just wondering, if you'd like Jean, you can come check out my place. It's pretty nice, I'll drive you to school tomorrow, THAT IS, unless you don't wanna stay here... which now that I think about it you probably would like to stay, eh?"

He shakes his head a little and looks at you. In the end, he went with his rad sister to her place and you were left to sleep alone and peacefully within your crime-ridden house.

How sad.

Maybe next time!

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I hope you enjoyed this lol.

How'd I do?

I tried to do better but I'm feeling lazy rn sooooooo