goodnight and go | epistolary

Special Chapter

Unspoken

"What are we, Liv?" he asked in between their conversation.

She stopped and stared at the moving vehicles. Her dream car, a red hyundai just passed by. Liv contemplated whether to answer his question or feigned ignorance. It goes on for what seem to be an endless moment.

What are we? Ano nga ba talaga tayo?

She'd be lying if she says the question have never crossed her mind. Last year, she met Link on a rave party. He had longer hair back then that it almost always hides his eyes. She had the hunch that he would be a bad news. For some unknown reason, one thing led to another and the two of them grew closer. Link wasn't so bad at all.

They relate to each other surprisingly. He can be moody at times. One thing he likes to do is to tease her and that's when she knows he's in a good mood.

One stupid thing started it all. It was a mistake. She got curious of how it feels to touch his lips with hers. She kissed him that night outside the mall. Was it the glimmering lights? Or the cold starry night? Or maybe her starving stomach got the best of her. Liv thought that it can happen. Link's a good catch after all.

He cleared his throat, acting as if he didn't ask what he just asked.

"Tara na? Natulala ka dyan." He was about to cross the road but she grabbed his hand before he can take a step forward.

"I truly like you, Link," she said and pursed her lips.

"So—

"But I'm..." She paused, a little lost for words. Hindi niya matignan nang direcho ang binata. He look confused as he tried to smile at her. The sun slowly sets behind him in splashing pink skies.

"But things have changed." There, it finally slipped out of her mouth. The feeling and the words she has been hiding and protecting in fear of losing all of this— him.

"If you're talking about Janine. I swear, there's nothing left anymore."

"Hindi. Although you kinda hurt me that time," she admitted letting out a laugh but he didn't.

"I'm sorry." He has always been secretly guilty about it after so many apologies he said. And she hated that. She hated how he tiptoes around her as if he was walking on a thin glass. For the past month, she tried to revisit the memories she had with him.

"You know, I miss how we were back then before everything happened. We have something else." She tucked the hairs that flew in her face from the passing car and shifted her gaze at his sullen eyes. "Well, at least for me."

"It was good times. Ang sarap mong asarin. Pikon lagi." He crunches his nose and shakes his head a little, the thing he involuntary does whenever he laughs a little too much. He stopped and asked, "We can't go back to that, can we?"

She shrugged, looking away to count how many times the lamp post beside them flickered per second. Napatunghay siya sa binata, nakita ang maliit na ngiti nito sa labi at ang nangungusap na mga mata. She had a lot of unspoken thoughts and he has too. But the silence enveloping them was enough to know what they were trying to say.

"I think tatanggapin ko na 'yong invitation. I'm going there."

"To Hawaii? Sigurado ka?"

"Nakausap ko na silang dalawa. Ang kukulit. They're too kind. I can't be mad at them. Tsaka na-convince talaga nila ako sa mga sini-send nilang videos."

She has been talking with her step-sisters almost everyday. They're fun to be with. Her fondness of them became bigger than her indifference towards her biological father. She wants to know them more.

"Ingat ka do'n."

"'Yon lang?"

"Anong gusto mo, magpa-despidida kami sa'yo? Ilang taon ka bang mawawala?" And now, he's back to his usual self.

Liv clicked her tongue after almost smacking him.

"Bwiset 'to—

"I'll miss you."

She rolled her eyes trying to suppress a smile.

"Isang buwan lang ako do'n," aniya saka inaya siyang umuwi.

He took her home. It's been almost a minute since the engine have stopped. She was about to pull the door open but he held her hand. Napatitig siya sa kamay nila at napabuntong-hininga. Before she can say anything, he tugged her in his embrace. Naramdaman niya agad ang init ng bisig at ang malalim nitong paghinga. She always feel safe in his presence.

"Don't miss me too much," he blurted out. Muntik niya nang sapakin ang binata ngunit hindi siya nito binitawan. "Just don't avoid me, Liv."

She nodded.

"Goodnight, Link," she said one last time and bid him goodbye.

She locked the gates and heard his car leaving. Nagmadali siyang umakyat para magligpit ng kanyang mga gamit. But she saw the twins bickering by the stairs, her mom fixing the table and her dad trying the food. The smell of chicken curry made her stomach grumble. Her dad noticed her and smile painted on his face. The twins ran on the table as her mom called her name.

"'Nak, kain na dito."