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Chapter 1

I was the biggest loser of all time.I had no friends and no family to confide into. For a twenty two year old who had no degree and no purpose in life I was content with going with the flow living with my parents in my family home, but the people who on daily basis reminded me of all the loses in my life made sure I did not live in peace.
Even though near them they were only trying to be helpful but what they did not understand was that I did not need thier help I only wanted to be left alone why could they not do that for me.They would give me advices on how to get a degree by using fake documents or how I can learn new skills and get a skill based jobs by doing different courses, so I could make something of myself. But what they did not understand was I did not want to make something of myself I was content with just existing. I was depressed.
I was not always like this but after 10 years of trying to make people miserable in my boarding so they would throw me out or atleast they would get attention of my parents made me like this. I was only a hurt teenager who was going through harmonal  changes. The only thing I wanted was attention either from my teachers or my parents either it be positive or negative made me like this. But I never got thier attention the only thing I got was punishments that have scarred me mentally. Longing for love had made me bitter.

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I was never good at studies, I was the slowest kid in class who was made fun of or ignored all the time. I was hated by all the teachers for being lazy and  irresponsible and did not have much friends. The only people that made life bearable at the boarding school were people I used to get high with. We were known for the druggies in school, no good girl wanted to be seen with us in any way. If you wanted to find the druggies you could always find us at the back of the sports office getting high. That were the best times of my life getting so lost in my own drugs that I forgot all my problems and all the people I was disappointing in life.after getting so many disappointments in life I could care less about disappointing others.
I was always the slow one on class but atleast at that time I tried my best to make my parents and family proud but after being send away and made feel like a burden I started giving up. I was not made for schooling. I was way to dumb for this and I not even tried anymore. This all started after my eight birthday.

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I was eight years old when I was sent to a boarding school to Kansas fisrt I was suppose to live with my mother's friend Rita
But I wanted to live with my family so I irritated her to no ends. Playing pranks on her and her husband. Trying to be a rebel I lost the only person who wanted to keep me with them. I was then send to the boarding school to live with the other girls by John Rita's husband who could not be bothered to deal with me and believed I needed to live 'where I could learn some manners'.
My parents would call every day to check in but me being the angry child refused to talk to them. I wanted them to know I was not going to talk until I was back home in San Francisco, but that never happened slowly and steadily their calls decreased and suddenly one day they stopped coming, but there was no one to blame but myself. They were way to busy to call and handle my tantrums, so I was left alone to deal with all the problems.
I would usually go to my parents place for holidays but after a while I started feeling like a outsider within my own house. When ever I would see Ryan and my parents interact I would feel like an outsider and I would see what I could have but I didn't. It made me realize what I had lost due to my own stupidness and pettiness, so I stopped going home Rita would try to invite me over for holidays but I knew how much John hated me so I never went there. I would spent Thanksgiving and Christmas and all the other holidays in my dorm room eating take away and wallowing in self pity. Even though my parents and Even Ryan would try to call and send gifts but I was way too bitter for my own good.  I blamed them for the state I was in. I blamed my mother for sending me away. I blamed my father for agreeing with my mother and I blamed Ryan for being the star child.
This was the time when I met aurora and Missy they were the only one who made me feel happy even though they were the main reason I fell in the bad crowd and stared doing drugs and taking my pranks to the extreme where they could hurt people but at tgat time they were my saving grace and my guardian angels they made me feel alive and happy. I would sneak out with them and meet up with the boys. I would get in all kinds of troubles and make lives of innocent people miserable. That two years were the best of my life feeling so alive and free, but like any high I did have to Come back to the ground and that happened and I was not ready for it.

The morning of my 18th birthday was same as any other morning, in our friends group no one was big on birthdays and neither was I really into things like surprises. I did not look forward to any wishes or gifts. Yes my parents did send me gifts in the start but that also stopped after a while. It wasn't until mid day that I was called into the principals office. It was nothing new to me I have been here more than I was in my classes but when I went inside and saw Rita sitting there I was a little cautious. I had stayed out of trouble for the past week after I almost went to jail for breaking into a grocery store, so what was Rita doing here.
"Ms James, Mrs John if you would join me on the office" said Mr wood the principle. I looked at Rita and she was already looking at me with the look what did you do this time but I myself was confused. When we were settled down Mr woods took a deep breath and started "Emma you are a good child  you were always the prankster but at a time you were responsible but you are no longer even trying so I'm sorry but I have no choice any long, after the exams we will be providing you with the highschool diploma but you can no longer be a part of the school. You have been creating trouble for years and the only reason we overlooked that was because you were under age but now that you are an adult we can no longer take any risk. You have only one week in which you will have to clear all the exams but you can no longer stay here at the end of the week I want you out of here" I was sitting there shell shocked not knowing what to do or how to react. After so many years I got what I wanted I was no longer obliged to stay here I could go home but why was I not happy.
Then Mr woods turned to Rita and starting discussing my situation with her I did not hear one word they were saying I was only focused that I was free but where would I go what did the future hold for me.