2 AM conversation with a bartender ( one-shot)

2 AM conversation with a bartender

Hayley walked into the bar and was immediately greeted by the bartender.

" Hi princess, what can I get you ? "

" I don't know, shots, tequila !"

" Coming right up ! "

She walked up to the bar and sat on one of the stools.

" So that's where people who don't want to go home go, huh ? "

" My husband is waiting for me at home and I cannot bring myself to go home. I know he's waiting, he probably made dinner, he's really been trying lately but I just can't do it anymore. He broke my trust so many times and now I'm breaking his too in a different way but somehow I think it makes it worse. Physically, you can blame it on the weakness of the flesh, you were too turned on, you couldn't stop yourself, you let your body take over for a second and it's too late to go back. "

" This is different, wishing you weren't there but pretending you're happy, that it's where you want to be, that this is still what you want when everyday you're just wishing a little bit more you weren't there."

" To be honest, I don't think I really wanted to be married, I thought this was what I wanted but it wasn't, it really wasn't. And now, I'm stuck with a ring on my finger, a life I pictured but I'm not sure it was really my picture. I don't recognize myself, I don't recognize my life, I don't understand how I got here, how do I go from one poor decison to this chaos. "

" You know what's worse, the pain I cause him, that's the most horrible part, the people on the other side of your choices and mistakes. He's so kind to me, always so kind but I know he's hurting probably as much as I am maybe even more because I forced us into this twisted game and comedy of pretending to be what we're not. And we do it well, we've played that game for over a decade now, we know how to play the part, how to look like we don't know, we don't see. We've become experts at it so well that sometimes it feels like it's impossible for things to be different now. This has gone on for too long, it's too late now. We all know our characters too well and we're dedicated to see this misery through, till the end. "

" I never realized, I wish I had known that entering this game would break 3 hearts. I still don't understand why he's still here. You know ? My choice put him in an untainable position but he's still by my side supporting me. I wish he stopped being so kind, so forgiving, so selfless sometimes, it only brings more regrets."

" So no I don't want to talk because if I open my mouth, I'm afraid inescapable truths will come out and I'll end up saying things like I never should have gotten married in the first place or even things like I have feelings for someone else and I'm in love with my best friend and have been for years. Or I will tell you that every night when I go to sleep I pretend it's him I'm married to and it's him I'm making love to... "

But I can't really say that, can I ? So I just pretend I don't see it's him i really want !"

" There's no place for truth in our little universe because I made it so, we've become so attached to that lie and to its preservation that it would shatter everything, not just him or me or my life but also what we built together. I made the choice to put something else first, trying not to be selfish for a change and it ended up being the selfishest choice of all but I didn't know it at the time. Somehow I ended up walking on a tightrope over a cliff with lava at the bottom, no matter how I fall, I'll die and this perfect little universe that we're trying so hard to keep alive will crash and burn too. I feel we're at the end of this rope and my last move will decide where we'll end up. So I don't want to move because I'm just so tired of things exploding in my face. "

" Do you know how many times I had to pick up and start over ? I'm tired, I don't have it in me so I'll just die inside and stay where things are because I'd rather die like this, losing this perfect illusion that we built would kill me. "

" In both scenarios, I'm dying so I've decided to die maintaining this perfect little illusion in place. I've invested a decade in it, it looks great in people's eyes, I've cultivated it so well, I've trained people to not see the rest, to ignore it. There's only one that person that sees, no matter how hard I try to keep him in character where I placed him I'm this twisted little play I created. He sees everything. But I can't have him shatter everything like this, I've spent years building this fortress, he has to stay in his role. I can't have him ruin everything. That's why I decided to stay, I might as well protect our perfect illusion until the end. I built it after all, it'd be a shame if it collapsed. "

" People love it when it's neat, perfect and blameless, stainless. A perfect little house, tied in a bow, nothing that reminds us of our own ugliness. People stayed in bad marriages for centuries right, I can do it too. I can stay in character, I can smile and everyone will believe me. I'll die inside knowing I'm keeping things alive, isn't that one of the most beautiful reasons to die ? For something to stay alive ? Shattered illusions cost too much, I'm done paying the price. I made my bed, didn't I ? You know what ? It wasn't even my bed but I still made it anyway. "

" Do you ever wish you could go back in time ? Because I've been retracing my steps and I don't understand how I got here..."

" I used to think people having affairs were horrible people but I guess it just never occurred to me you could wake up one day and realize this isn't where you want to be anymore. But you trapped other people with your words, not just yourself and now everyone depends on you to keep playing that part. So because you don't want to hurt anyone,you just do what keeps your heart alive without risking it all to fall down. Sounds like the perfect solution right ?

" I don't think I have it in me though, I think if I let myself love him, there would be no going back, it would never be just physical with us. "

" My husband made dinner. I'm sure a lot of wives would be thrilled to have a husband that cooks. When he was setting the table, it felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there."

" You know what he told me the other day that it didn't matter what I'd do, he would never leave, he'd always stay by my side and would never abandon me. I tried to kill his love for me so many times, I can't have a guy like him love me, I don't deserve that, I don't deserve a love this pure, I'm the mistress, I'm the whore ! I deserve a love that will remind me that I'm not worth more. But everytime I try to have him stay in his place, he just keeps on loving me ! It's pretty annoying actually, the way he always loves me, protects me. I wonder if he hates me sometimes, I hate me too you know. But this is what I signed for, vowed for actually. So there's not much we can do now but stay in the tracks of the trainwreck that I set in motion for everyone. "

" Hayley, I've been looking everywhere for you, are you ok ? Chad said you've been gone for hours ? Is everything ok ? " Taylor's voice woke her up to a reality she wasn't prepared to face. She looked up unable to answer him afraid that the truths she started spilling were still on her lips.

" Come on, let's get you home." She bit her lips so hard to keep the words from coming out. She was scared there might be blood " I want to come home to you ", she thought it so loud that she was afraid he would hear it. She slowly got up, she still hadn't said any word. He put his arms around her shoulder. She followed him quietly.